First love back in contact

[HeartbrokenOverStupidity]

I don't really know what I am expecting from posting on here tbh, I guess I just need to tell someone.

Ok, here it is, When I was 14 I started going out with this lad in my year and I ended up losing my virginity to him, i really liked him but tbh the reason I slept with him is because i felt as though i should, I know it's cliche but all my friends were doing it and i just wanted to fit, in, i was badly bullied and would have done anything to fit in.
Any way, My friends then decided he was a geek and so I dumped him and was quite nasty to him
But the truth is, he was really lovely and I loved him, I had so much going on at the time, we had just had a close family bereavement and I found it hard coping.
Over the years I have regretted so much the way I treated him, and missed him a lot too, always imagined him married with kids, because he was just that kind of respectful guy.

Recently I found out that one of my friends was still in contact with him, and so asked him to pass a message on, and a week later he had looked me up via a popular networking site and sent me an email.

But now I don't know what to feel, I have apologised and told him what i felt like, and he said that he knew deep down that I didn't mean it when i dumped him, I guess I kind of wish he had saved me from what was to come.

The problem is he has a gf, he lives with her but has said that he doesnt want to get married or have children or anything like that with her.

I know i should be backing off right now but I don't think I ever stopped loving or missing him, and him telling me when he went to bed that he cant wait to catch up anmf will be thinking of me has really stirred my heart up.

I just need some tough MN love please

[HeartbrokenOverStupidity]

TY for all you varying povs, it certainly is givng me something to think about.

[blinks]

not to give you false hope but a friend of mine was in a similar position recently except that it was her in the relationship and him that initiated contact.

her relationship wasn't the best and she had always secretly kept tabs on him.

she met up with him to see how she felt about him. next day she split up with her partner and they've been together over a year now and recently got engaged.

i reckon a meeting would clarify your feelings.

[cheekysealion]

I have been through this recently and really wished i hadnt.. nothing happened between us when we were 15 but we both wanted it to..
we lost touch when i met dd1 dad.. I always thought about him and wondered what happened and tried to contact him a few times.

fast foward 15 years and we are back in touch since last december... it has been a roller coaster TBH.. we were both single.. i told him i still felt the same for him as i did back at school. he told me he didnt fancy me (yes he said that!!!) a month later(boxing day) we snogged etc.. and that has how it has been for last 6 months.. althought at the moment we are not really talking as he is commitment phobic who has also for the last 6 months blown hot and cold with me.. even though we both feel the chemistry between us is something else!!

He tells me he has feelings for me but doesnt want a relationship atm..

He also holds a lot of resentment and feels that if i had not gone off with dd's dad then me and him would be together now and we wouldnt have had to go through the heart ache that we have had seperately since with other people..

He told me a few weeks ago.. how one night after school he phoned my house and my mum told him i hadnt got home yet.. he put phone down crying and his sister took the mick out of him and then he said to me "I will never let a girl get to me like that again" So I guess there really is no hope for us that comment says it all to me.. and it has been so emotional for me really tough actually

When we got back in touch and both being single i felt it was so meant to be etc.
and maybe it still will be.. but i feel maybe we need to go abck to basics and be only friends for a while and see what happens..

I really feel deeply for him... but he really needs to let go of the past wihich is tough..

I wish you luck with it just dont think it will be all lovely because chances are it wont be!!

[knockedgymnast]

go with whatever your heart tells you to...

[aurynne]

cheekysealion, if a man of thirty-something is still bitter for what a girlfriend did to him at 15, he has a lot to grow yet...

[cheekysealion]

Do you think i am wasting my time then>????

do you mean he needs to grow up

[megmums]

I agree with WhenwillIfeelnormal. Sorry but I have no time for women who get involved with men who are in a relationship, children involved or not. My best friend did it once, and she regretted it. Stay clear until you know that he is definately single.

[HeartbrokenOverStupidity]

OK, I am meeting with him today, I am conviced that I will be put off by him and that he will have changed etc, in fact he has said a few things already that have made me a bit

I honestly don't think there is a chance for us now, he is playing the whole 'we are sleeping in separate beds' card whilst saying all the right things to me, whish to me says that if we ever did get together IF they split, he could very well do exactly the same to me.

So I guess now it is just about getting closer

TY for all your help in this, it has helped me see sense, I know some of you will prob think I shouldn't even meet him, but I just feel as though it is something i need to do.

[HeartbrokenOverStupidity]

about getting *closure, not closer

[hambler]

do report back after the meeting

[lucykate]

i can empathise a little with you on this. i am in touch with my 'first love' via dreaded fb, and while it's nosey nice to know where he is and what he's doing, i'm also aware that the reason we drifted apart all those years ago was because we really didn't have that much in common, and were going in different directions. i started seeing dh and we've been together ever since.

just make sure you leave the rose tinted spectacles at home . mine were well and truly knocked off when i discovered he'd joined a fb group supporting the bnp

[Fraochsmum]

I am also of the opinion that this is a bad idea. Although he protests that he and the girlfriend aren't getting on/sleep in separate beds etc. it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if that would be news to her. Having been on the receiving end, I know that a lot of things are said untruthfully to justify appalling behaviour.
The 'lady' in this instance was a new friend to us both and was much younger. She clearly had a crush on my husband - I even joked about it with him as I just saw her as a 'silly wee lassie', and truely believed he would never be unfaithful to me. Unfortunately he fancied her back and the first I was aware of it was when I walked in on them f***g in the room next door . So it may be that there is nothing wrong at home and he simply would prefer to be with you.
I'm sure you will update us today, but just be cautious...

[HeartbrokenOverStupidity]

Ok, sorry to disappoint you all but I had to cancel today as a friend needed me urgently, And as I am super busy tis week and he is back on lates next week so it could be a while before we get another chance...

Maybe in that time I will have lost the urge to meet him? who knows?

[HeartbrokenOverStupidity]

I had a really weird text off him at some ungodly hour last night asking me if i was asking him for sex.
Which nothing like that has come up at all...
So I am thinking it was maybe his GF and she had found his phone. All my texts were perfectly innocent but there was the odd one of his that was suggestive (which I had just ignored)
I just replied asking him what he meant and haven't had a reply back...

[Fraochsmum]

Oh dear...
Either his gf has found his phone and she has sent it,
or
it was sent by him.
If he has been suggestive before, maybe this is what he has been angling for all along.

[lucykate]

i'd keep your distance for now, he's obviously got unresolved issues in his current relationship. i'd guess he's either had a drink and text you, or they've had a row, and his gf has sent it. either way, leave them to sort themselves out. you've replied to the text, i suspect you will hear back eventually with some sort of explanation.

[tiredoftherain]

I'd back right off, it all sounds very dodgy. If things were that bad between him and his GF they wouldn't still be together. I wonder if he's lining you up as a potential bit on the side, and possibly not feeling too guilty for it either, if you didn't treat him that well years ago.

Either way, it sounds like a can of worms you probably don't want to open.

[stupid123]

OLD OLD THREAD......

but go with whatever your heart tells you to...
and go with whatever your gut tells you to...