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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what shall i do :(

11 replies

kinnies · 28/07/2009 22:03

I'm so worried.

My DH has been really horrid and now he's got drunk and told me he wants me to move out and take my DS (his DSS) with me. He says he's going to keep DD (only 17mths) with him. I'm still BFing her and i cant bear to be without her.

I have pnd and am on meds and had been feeling like i was 'getting there'

i suffer pannic attacks, not hyperventalating (sp?) but feeling suicidal and unable to cope, DC would be better off without me ect.

My DH has not been much support and has done and said some really bad stuff to me.

We have just moved 270miles away and i have no friends or family here and dont know what to do

OP posts:

MagNacarta · 28/07/2009 22:05

Is this likely to be the drink? How is he when he's sober?

Regardless of how far away your family are can you get in contact with them and tell them what's going on.

Hold on to the fact you were feeling like you were getting there, you probably are and mustn't let this get you down.

BottySpottom · 28/07/2009 22:08

I'm sure no court would willingly hand over a breastfeeding child to him would they?

Does your Dr or health visitor know what is going on (presumably yes if you are on medication). I would make sure they know they full situation and start telling family and friends that you need more support. Can you call citizen's advice bureau as well?

I'm sorry you are going through this . PND is vile and you will feel a totally different person in a little while when you have shaken it off.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/07/2009 22:09

He can't make you leave without your DD. No court would give custody of a child to her father while her mother is BFing, that would be regarded as seriously detrimental to the child's interest. If he is physically aggressive you can make him leave ie the police can be called to come and remove him from the house, even if it's his house.
Give Women's Aid a call for advice and support.

Original poster

kinnies · 28/07/2009 22:11

sorry got 2 go hes just come back and this would not go down well. will try 2 come back latter

OP posts:

beanieb · 28/07/2009 22:12

Ok, it's ok. He can't take your daughter. Is there anywhere you can go right now? Even if it means taking the train back to your family? Even though it may seem hard you need to take control. if you leave tomorrow with both kids then you might be able to get some distance and think more clearly about what to do.

If there is no good reason not to go back to your family then do it asap.

Take control and then decide what to do. best of luck chick. x

Alambil · 28/07/2009 22:12

In what way has he been horrid? Are you safe?

Men always say this - they know it's the only way to really hurt a mother

Unless you have severe (and I mean very severe) drink or drugs problems, you will NOT lose the children to this man.

tell as many people as you can about his threats - remember that they are just threats and if he were to act, ring 999

Original poster

kinnies · 28/07/2009 23:20

he's just gone up to bed now.

this kind of thing has happened lots of times.

where we used to live he would go out to the pub almost every night and come back not verry late but still drunk.
he would be horrid (calling me names, breaking things ect)

i think this contributed to my pnd.
i had a difficult pregnancy and was in and out of hospital lots he was quite good then but not always.

when i had my DD i fell out with my mum (long story, but she was and prob still is 'toxic')and as a result no longer see my Dsis or Dbro.

the only close family i have are my dad and his parents but i dont feel i can confide in them as my dad is married to a PITA and my nan & grandad are old.

i have a couple of close friends who i know would do anything for me but i still dont tell them bad stuff about my DH

sorry rambiling now. its just all mixed up in my head

OP posts:

CarGirl · 28/07/2009 23:24

speak to womans aid they will help you.

Original poster

kinnies · 28/07/2009 23:30

thank you. feeling a bit better for letting it out

OP posts:

Alambil · 28/07/2009 23:38

0808 2000 247 - womens aid

and remember - any time you're unsafe, it's 999 immediately

aRLcat · 29/07/2009 05:08

kinnies, please share this with your friends! Why are you protecting your DH? He sounds like an abusive wanker, TBH. Let your friends help you to help yourself and your children.

Depression is definitely compounded by a non supportive and or abusive partner. If you found the strength to walk away from him and his selfish bouts of alcoholism I am quite sure more strength would follow.

Talk to your GP or mental health team, start a record with them of his behaviour towards you, in front of the children and his drinking. If ever he attempts to take the children from you, this historical record of his negative behaviour will help ensure he does not gain the status of main carer of your children.

Move back to be closer to your friends, a big move so far away from support can be the worst possible thing to when suffering from depression. Please do speak with womens aid. They have hostels all over the country, your DH would not need to know where you are until you are ready and they would do their utmost to place you close to your network of support, your friends.

They wont force anything upon you, just talk with them. Let them also assure you that you do not deserve or have to put up with this.

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