My mother, who is a widow, lives over 500 miles away - a flight, or a two day car journey.
Inlaws, live just over 2 hours drive.
My mother, I strongly suspect is envious of ILs. And is prone to think the worst; i.e. that we have a much better relationship with them than we do, she thinks they are wealthy, and makes little passive aggressive remarks about them, which I hate, as they are my DH's parents and we should treat them kindly.
She had a total meltdown when we told her that although both she and ILs had offered to look after ds when we moved, we asked the ILs, as it was far more convienient. (She said she would do anything to help, and we asked her to come down a few weeks after the move to help out.) She told me that I was very selfish and thoughtless. Lots of tears, and huffs
Anyway, ILs are coming to look after ds for a night next month, and I think that my mum is hurt that we didn't ask her. Quiet on the phone, sighing etc. I understand this, and know that there is nothing to be done, and feel sad that I've hurt her. She is lonely, although she has a lot of friends, and misses my Dad terribly.
But I do get annoyed that we can't ask ILs to help without being afraid of hurting Mum's feelings. They are grandparents too.
The problem that we will have is that we were thinking of asking ILs to look after ds when I am having the next baby. It just makes more practical sense; they can be here in 2 hours, rather than 2 days. But my mother is going to hit the roof. There will be tears, and tantrums.
Anyone have a clue how I can help the sitation. I know that I can't solve it, but I want to get through it.
DH says - the most important person is not my mum, but is the unborn baby, then me, then ds, then DH, then anyone else.
Anyone else dealt with the great grandparent stand off?