Ex-H and I separated nearly two years ago, and have been trying to work our way back together for over a year. We went to counselling last Spring, which went well, but it has taken a very long time to build trust, and to sort out what went wrong. We were together 16 years, married 7. I felt we should live together and sort things as we went along; he wanted to rebuild the relationship before commiting to cohabitation again. I ended up feeling rejected as we coasted along endlessly, and a few weeks ago had a brief relationship with someone else. I ended it because ex-H was very upset (and it wasn't serious, although the other man did give me a lot of emotional support, which I felt I hadn't had in a long time).
We always had a slightly odd sexual relationship - for years it seemed that when one of us wanted sex, the other didn't. For the last few years this became me wanting sex and him not being very bothered. However, despite that we managed to conceive our lovely DCs.
We have stayed close since splitting, and try to spend time together with the children. One big difficulty is that our DS has now been diagnosed with Asperger's - which explains some of the extreme stress we were under - and we try to support each other in coping with his behaviour.
Although living on my own with the DCs has been tough and lonely, I have loved the freedom, and the time to do some of my own things.
Having ended the new relationship a few weeks ago, I have been trying hard to focus on moving forward the relationship with my ex-husband again ? as soon as the other man was gone, he started making much more effort with me. Ex-H has been very tearful and panicky, not sleeping, and I feel very guilty for having made him feel this way. However, one of the issues in our relationship is that I felt I was the emotional supporter - now I'm doing it again, and am finding it really hard to have an equal relationship with this dynamic. Now, suddenly, after the past 15 months of not being interested, he wants us to have a physical relationship again, but I feel really turned off. I feel terrible because I want everything to be good for us and the children.
Is there anyone with experience of how this 'turned off' feeling can change? I'm wondering if it's because of the emotional pressure that I am reacting this way.
Sorry it's so long-winded.