Yesterday I broke the standoff with DH and his mum

[suwoo]

Its no wonder my DH is so fucking emotionally disfunctional.

It had been 5 weeks since we had been to his mums. They never come here (an hour away) and she never rings. In the 10 years we have been together, they have been here 4 times (excluding wedding and christenings)

I think he is more upset about this than he is letting on. She is fine when we are there and isn't 'funny' in any way, just doesn't seem to bother contacting us. I am having our third baby in 10 days and she didn't even know my date. (I have told her)

So, yesterday I got the kids in the car and said we were going and it was up to him if he came. He did, because I don't think he trusted me not to say anything.

I know I didn't have to break the 'standoff' but I just felt we should be 'bigger' and go and I didn't want to look like I didn't care IYSWIM.

He barely said a word.

Bloody families eh.

[tots2ten]

I phone to see how my pil's are! I dont regail them of the things that have happened or what the dc's have done. When mil does phone here we have to listen to her regail stories of what nephews/nieces/bil are doing!

If mil only phoned to speak to dh then it would not bother me in the slightest, but thats my point she never rings here, and yet when bil was with his ex she would phone them everyday.

[2rebecca]

Why are you that interested in what your inlaws are doing though? You don't sound as though you enjoy the conversations when she does phone you. I do get the impression from alot of mumsnet posts that some women don't like their inlaws much but can't bare to feel left out. To me mums being closer to their daughters is natural. My MIL spends alot more time with her daughter and her kids than my husband. That's OK by me, my husband's not a mummy's boy and doesn't want to phone his parents all the time. I get on with them OK but I don't phone them because I phone my own family and friends (when I can be bothered, I actually hate telephones). I work and have hobbies as does my husband as well as looking after the kids and stepkids. Our parents and sibs are fairly peripheral to our lives even though we love them. If they don't phone I don't feel slighted, just presume they are getting on with their lives and that all is well with them. I don't feel the need to be most popular DIL or something.

[ProfYaffle]

Suwoo - When I was a kid my grandparents never visited our house, we were always expected to travel there. Pil are exactly the same. At first I thought it might be an older generation thing (pil in their 70's) but it now occurs to me that my Mum and Dad both came from big families so their parents probably felt it was easier for their dc to come to them and see their sibs too rather than the other way round. pil also have 3 dc so could be similar issues with them.

Could this be the case with your pil?

[suwoo]

I think they're just funny buggers .

Thank you for the measured responses to the situation, I think I will take a step back now and leave it to DH to sort.

[ProfYaffle]

pil usually are