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Original poster

Very hurt by best friends attitude.

9 replies

happydays · 09/05/2003 08:32

We have been friends for over 10 years, I have always been there for her and up until now, she has with me.

I recently started seeing someone new, who used to go out with a mutual friend of ours, I have been told that this is out of order and should end the relationship, the thing is I have just ended a relationship a little while back, one that totally destroyed any confidence I had, Why does she feel the need to deny me some happiness.

OP posts:
Mum2Toby · 09/05/2003 08:47

Happydays - dating one of your friends ex's is one of those taboos isn't it. Is the mutual friend of yours upset by all this, is the wound still deep? I mean how long ago did this relationship end?

If she isn't upset then it really is no business of anyone else to be upset on her behalf!!

meanmum · 09/05/2003 08:52

I'm trying to figure out why she should even care. It's not like you are cheating on your friend or are in a relationship yourself at the moment and cheating on a partner. Is there something more to it that she hasn't told you.

I agree with M2T if the friend who used to date this guy has an issue with it then you need to talk to her but if she doesn't then enjoy it.

I'm sad to hear that someone could destroy your confidence and hope this relationship gives you that back. Enjoy it for what it is and make the most of those early days they're so wonderful in any relationship.

monkey · 09/05/2003 21:23

I went out with my best firends ex - several years after they split up I hasten to add. The fact that she went out with him for a year or so, when they were 16 really did put me off going out with him, even though it was about 7 years after! I ev en asked her permission! I must say, although she said it was ok, she did then become very distant, which was quite sad, but as we've now been together 11 years and have 2 wonderful sons (nearly 3) I'm glad I went ahead!

I wish you all the best with your new man. While I wouldn't advocate stamping all over someone else's feelings, you can't deny yourself happiness just because someone says that someone else is upset about it. I mean, it's not like you split them up to get at him. I've no idea why your friend could even dare suggest you end your relationshiop & think it's pretty out of order & verging on madness! Like you're going to split up from soeone who makes you happy because your friend reckons you should. I suppose you could either ignore her altogether, or ask the mutual frined what the score is, and tell you mate to mind her own business/sod off.

Mum2Toby · 09/05/2003 21:29

It really depends on the situation with the previous relationship. If it was close and it's a fresh break up then I think I'd be a bit pi$$ed off with you too. Everyone is entitled to happiness but you have to respect friendships too and the loyalty that goes with it.

Do you have any more info to make the advice a bit more relevant instead of us all guessing and maybe gettin it all wrong?

judetheobscure · 09/05/2003 21:32

why does she say you should end the relationship?

Original poster
happydays · 09/05/2003 22:00

Sorry didn't give you much to go on. I have spoken to my friend today and other issues were involved and I can see it more clearly now and no longer think my friend is out of order. The break up was very recent and mutual friend wants a reconciliation, to name a few.

OP posts:
MaVictoria · 10/05/2003 00:39

Say no more HAPPY DAYS- Its a shame about the circumstances however at least you found out early on as you may have been used as a scapegoat or used as a pawn to hurt your mutual friend and ended up getting hurt yourself and felt foolish at the outcome.Its nice that you have such a good friend who you can be open with and who is honest nd supportive, you two sound like soulsisters. My friend and i have been soulsisters for 18 years now,i think myself lucky to have her, and i am sure you do about your friend. I am sure you will find happiness with someone who is not on the rebound but who is ready to settle down with someone like you and your friend will be the first one to spot whether or not he is right for you by the sound of it. Good luck HAPPY DAYS!!

breeze · 10/05/2003 08:33

Yes Good luck

doormat · 10/05/2003 09:35

My best friend did not like the idea of me going out with my present dp at first. She even suggested I emigrate back to Australia just to get away from him!!!!
She was afraid of me getting hurt again as I had just been through a messy divorce. I explained it was my life and I was going to give it a go and that I thought the world of her. Even though she was a bit distant at first she soon came round.

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