feeling sad

[guiltynsad]

I am a regular but name changed.

I have been married for 10 years and have 2 beautiful kids but its become aooarent to me that we married far too young (still teens) and I just feel like I have missed out on have a life and any any experiences of relationships dh is my one any only relatioship and lover.

I was recently away from my family for 10 days abd found short of mssing them I was happy and lively and felt like I could be my self here i feel sapped of energy and almost like a shadow of myself.

Dh and I have no relationship so to speak we live in the same house but idsagree on most things. have no sex life and don't really talk at all except for day to day stuff (bills etc and kids.

I am in tears just thinking about it but I feel so unhappy and ugreatful as we have a nice life but I feel so lonely and dh is not helpful he we have almst parallel lives whihc donot touch I feel he thinks I am too sensitive and overreact but we have a screwed up relationship which he views as normal he also constantly tell me I am stupid and can't do anything for myself am uneducated and my parents were glad I married him so I moved out. Also that he hopes our kids r more intelligent than me

sorry if this is rambling and makes no sense but I just needed to write it down.

Don't feel bad that you did not miss your children. I feel exhilarated when I have a break from mine too. But I bet you felt better about them when you got back togetehr.

It sounds like you have lost 'you'. Do you have friends you can talk to? When was the last time you talked with your dh about how he feels about your marriage?

think you need to work on your self esteem a bit. college course in sept maybe?

the thing about self esteem is that I have plenty of it outside but at home it seems to evaporate as soon as I come through the door

friends are a problem I have recentlyu moved and sonot really know many people and the ones I do not that well.

sorry have just read my last two posts and the spelling is really bad

He sounds really abusive tbh. He is undermining your self esteem. Are you sure you want this?
You don't need a self esteem course- you need to leave him.

Maybe the time I have mentioned it to him he says its all in my head

this is one of the reasons i'm not married and don't have a live in partner. not anymore. my divorce was best thing that could happen. not that this helps you any!!

work on yourself. try and meet new people. why does he repress you so much?

If you are happy and confident outside of the home but not inside - what does that tell you about the source of your low self esteem? Especially if he tells you you are thick and useless. You are neither of those things - but it sounds like you need to plan for your future. You could do it on your own, you are still young, plenty of time to do things that make you happy and maybe meet someone else who is a better fit and doesn't make you feel like crap. Do you own or rent? Do you work? I think you should look into your options for the future - housing, finance, childcare etc. You can do it - if you want to.

He has never stoped me from going out and meeting people but we live abroad so I guess I feel kinda isolated plus I think he feel the same way the only people he knows is from work. I think a big part of the problem is neither of us is happy here but the job market is so bad at the moment that we donot have the option to move back.

I am planning my future in the process of getting further education and hopefully get a job as soon as I have finished. I don't want you to take the thing I mentioned out of context he is paying for all my courses I take has never stoped me from going out or having friends etc but he does come from a family where his parents have a screwed up relationship so i think that has affected him badly.