I have just watched Davina's "Who Do You Think You Are?" and it brings such mixed feelings.

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

I loved it as I really love history, family trees and things like that but then I feel really as I have no family at all and no way of ever finding out anything that might have been in my family history.

I just feel like I don't fit in anyway and never have.

[GrapefruitMoon]

I don't know if this is any consolation but I know two people who were effectively abandoned by their birth parents (legal adoption had not been introduced where they lived at that time) - one was left with neighbours, one raised by relatives so obv not as bad as your own situation.... both went on to have large families of their own, are much loved by their children and grandchildren. I hope your therapy will help you to put the past behind you and concentrate on your own family. Lots of people who do have parents and siblings don't get on with them.

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

Isn't it funny that they had large families?

We have 3 children but I feel like a mum of five as I have lost two.

I wanted more children but DH said no more. I would have wanted more and more and it has taken me a while to realise that I have been trying to fill a hole that can't be filled.

We have a cat, a hamster, a snail, fish and I want more animals which is another kind of need.

I blame it on my nannying but I worry about everyone and just want to be mum and feed everyone.

I love to cook and bake and it is only recently I have realised the significance as I wasn't fed much as a child. My kids have too many clothes as I hardly had any and they have 100s of books as that is the only escape I had when I could read.

[GrapefruitMoon]

Yes have often wondered about that - one had 8 kids and the other 7! (though tbh those were not unusual numbers when I was a kid!)

[queenofdenial2009]

Fabbaker, that is a sad story and the way you feel is heart breaking. Like so many, I had a crap family but one of the things about being an adult and a parent is that we can deal with it. When we're children, we do feel that we are no good or that it's our fault.

This is why proper therapy is relevant, IMO not counselling. We are all sorts of people - daughters, mothers, sisters etc. If you don't know what your roles are (e.g. whose daughter) it is very hard. That's where a skilled and empahetic therapist can help and part of that is grieving for it.

I was 'brought up' by my biological parents but I've still had to grieve for the fact that they didn't parent me. Having them in your life is not always as great as it seems - I was recently in hospital for a month and my Dad said 'I hope she's not malingering'. Thanks!

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

It just feels one thing after another and it is all a result of my childhood but the people who made the decisions and the ones who were meant to look after me, have just got on with their lives without any second thoughts or negative results.