He's piling on the pounds

[scattercushion]

Hi All,
what to do? My DP - soon to be my DH (in Sept) is putting on loads of weight. It sounds terribly shallow but I don't want him to have a big belly in the wedding photos. I make healthy food in the evening but he has fry-ups and choc bars at work. Should I live and let live or should I comment on it? If he made any comments about my weight I would be furious (I'm skinny at the mo but who knows?) so it would be hypocritical. He goes to the gym but also drinks a lot at weekends.

My dh fell in love with me a number of stones lighter than I am now, and is still in love with me because he sees me, the person, not the package I come in. It doesn't matter to him on that level that I have put on weight because he loves me, the person, not me, the body. He might prefer me to be slimmer, but I'm still the woman he fell in love with, nothing has changed except my dress size, and I'm afraid I would think he was terribly shallow if he wanted me to lose weight just to look good in a photograph.

The health issue is a different question - of course he would prefer me to be as healthy as I could be, but that's not what scattercushion seems to be talking about.

Same animosity and resentment toothache!
yup, there's just more of dp to resent these days

I think men are well able for the direct approach, just say 'bloody hell you've piled on the beef lately!' he'll probably grab a handful of tummy and go 'hmm yeah you're right!'
LOL.
Me and Dp wouldn't flinch if we say this to eachother, I don't see the big deal if it's true! I have always been a bit pudgy but he still loves me when I put on weight, but he'd grab me and say c'mere big bum or wahtever, he'll admit I look sexier when I'm slimmer but I feel teh same about him - lets be honest, it's usually true! if you know someone that well and trust and love eachother you should be able to say anything I think.

But if you know someone that well, and love them and trust them, I can't see why it would matter that there was a few extra inches in a photograph. Isn't it what's inside that's important?

Of course, that's precisely why I think the package isn't such a big deal, I mean it's just like saying the car needs a wash, it's not high on the importance thing but it's just a detail that has SOME small bearing on things. I wouldn't care if Dp lost all his limbs i'd still adore him so i can tell him he's a fatty without it really having huge importance, as he can to me.

I have a similar problem. I've lost a fair bit of weight since DS was born, DP unfortunately pigged out with me while I was pregnant, but missed the diet and exercise regime after. He weighs well over 16 stone and he does not look good. He used to be a very good looking chap, but now he looks 5 months pregnant and has several chins. I have been brutal and told him he needs to do something about it. He went to the gym for about 5 weeks, I was cooking very healthy at home - he lost 20grams!! Then one evening he told me how he had been very good at work - he'd not even had a chocolate bar!!

Everyone who knows him agrees he needs to do something about it. Apart, from it seems DP. He is lazy and lethargic and I think unhappy with how he is. It's like a catch 22. And I definately don't find him as attractive as I used to and it is affecting me with regards to BD. Other than cook well at home I can't control what he eats at work - making a pack lunch is possible, but he works at least 12 hours, so needs two meals covered, and denies having access to a microwave .

I don't know what to do either, so I can't offer you any advice, just so you know that you aren't the only one to feel this way. I know I sound like a real cow here, but I lost the weight for him and I can't help feeling a little hurt that he dosen't feel the need to recipricate that.

Thanks for your messages, folks.
Flossam - could it be booze? My dp chuggs down lager at the weekend with nairy a concern about the calorie content. How frustrating for you to get him galvanised into a fitness regime and then no results. Wigwambam this will probably make you see red again...