Right, I suspect this may be difficult to write clearly but here goes...
Am about to get married to wonderful DP, we have a DD too and would like more DCs. However, I'm very aware that I need to address my control-freakery, both for DH and DD, and for me!
Am becoming aware that perhaps I'm lacking self-esteem which manifests itself as control-freakery. DH is wonderful, affectionate, motivated, socialable and a great dad. It seems all I do is nag at him, cut him down etc. I know this is the case in many relationships, but it seems v. similar to the way my parents were, and I'd really like to address it rather than ignore. I often feel anxious and irritable and my carrying on must make him feel awful. It has also affected a friendship, where the friends OH also is a bit of a control-freak
I didn't have a terrible childhood by any means (DH by contrast had a very disruptive upbringing), but do remember my mother going to school to ask them to help me be assertive rather than aggressive, and I knew about it at age 8 or 9. There wasn't much praise or affection or no-strings fun.
Am starting to wonder whether some kind of therapy might help me to start to address the issues I have. I look at my innocent little DD and really don't want her to suffer the baggage I feel i have Really, I need to be kinder to DH, believe in myself and be able to support and nurture DD. I feel like I need help to do that though. Does everyone feel like this or is it worth persuing some help? It's becoming a bit of a pre-occupation, like a little commentary always there, reminding me 'you're not good enough to be a mum', 'DD had a bit of a rubbish day today, can't you try a bit harder', 'all those people over there feel a bit sorry for your baby'
Cor, what a load of waffle! Impending wedding and meeting new people since DD was born have bought it all to a head though really. Would welcome your thoughts.