the best counsillor would be ...

[fernfrost]

After being brought up in a dysfunctional though extremely creative household I finally have to accept that both my extended and immediate family have both disintegrated and are ineffective. The latest visit from my mother is going to be the last time she ever stays at my house and possibly the last time that I ever see her. Because - she cannot help herself.

My daughter is only 5 years old. My extended family are all succesfull people and I myself am well studied with a professional qualification.

I am going to go for some counselling myself having hit a life crisis with all of this and trying to drown my sorrows a little at times. I am reading psychology and psychotherapy books and am becoming fascinated with psychology - as I am also with psychiatry.

The question for you is this one. If you needed to see a counsellor would you rather go to see somebody who has had a lucky sorted path through their lives or somebody who has suffered and experienced the pain of dysfunctional relationships?

Honest answers.

Why would it matter? Do you plan on interviewing a potential counsellor to make sure they've been through enough shit to qualify for the role? Surely counselling is about what you are going through, not them.

Most counsellors - like most people - have experienced pain and misery. I am a counsellor so know of what I speak . The amount of therapy and supervision are what help to make a good counsellor and I am not sure it is the sort of work that would attract people who haven't experienced life's crap.

I thinik it would be good for a councellor to have experienced some pain in their lives (but then who hasnt?), but no-one could possibly have experienced every problem but that does not make them unable to help.

I would want someone who has empathy with my feelings rather than bring their own experiences iykwim.

First, I would want someone with a recognised qualification, second, I would want to see someone experienced, not someone in training, third, I would probably want to see someone relatively mature, as there is a greater likelihood that they would have experienced some of life's ups and downs - not necessarily the problem that I have (this is probably the least important of my requirements), fourth, I would want to see someone with experienc treating my sort of problem. Finally, and this is the deal-breaker, I would need to feel comfortable with them on my first session.

Counsellors will not (should not) reveal much in the way of personal information to you, as counselling is about you, not them.

I would need, however to get a sense that they were listening very carefully, and giving empathic insights.

Hope this helps !