Emotional Abuse.. looking for success stories of those who were strong enough to end it. My H has left, and this is day 2. I am trying to stay really strong and not cave in to the guilt!!!

[psych101]

Hello there,

I've posted here a few times, and mostly for emotional abuse.. I've been a victim on this abuse for over 10 years now. I have two small children who are very aware of how he talks to me, and controls me.

After one of many ridiculous arguments.. I told him I didn't want him to come home. I have plans to look for a new place to live in the city, as we are on an island 1 1/2 hours away from the city.

I could list tons, and tons of examples of pure meaness, and nastyness. But always feel guilty because he's nice to the children, and we have had many fun times in the past as a family.

I worry if he will be okay without us. I worry if the children will be okay being in a broken family.

I am trying very hard to focus on all the nasty things he's said and done, and to not dwell on all the GUILT.

Some of the meaner things he has done:

1. fired my mom the day before our wedding, god only knows why....

1. Ban me from seeing my mom, for no reason.

1. Sent my mom dog sh**t via postal delivery.

1. Spat at me

1. Threw a cup of milk at me while holding my young child

1. Verbally abused me for hours on end the night before my dad's funeral -- and putting him down.

1. Embarrassed me in front of friends on a regular basis, and treats them really bad

1. Told my young son to "take care of mommy, she's not well" after a 'row' with him.

1. Withheld affection for the past 8 + years.

I could go on.. and on.... and sorry for rambling. Most of these things happened years ago. But now, he is more descreet with his abuse. Just controlling, and
degrading comments and belitteling, is a big one.

I feel very close to finally moving on with our lives, and moving back to where my friends and family are, and getting out of this toxic relationship. I just really need strong words of encouragment from those who understand this type of abuse.

Thanks for you time

Remember Psych, life is too short, so don't waste any more of yours on him. You deserve happiness and to be treated with kindness and respect.

Good luck to you- hope you stay strong

How you doing Hon?

hi isittooearlyforgin,

I am doing okay... thanks for asking! Although, I noticed that I was doing well yesterday because h was being civil. Just received phone-call from him and I can tell in his voice that he is not being civil.

So now the stomach has started turning again... funny, all it takes is one phone call. He is coming back home tonight, and I offered him to stay for a few nights till he is set up.

But I am strong, and we are DEFINITELY not together anymore. i feel VERY good about that decision now. He's made it pretty easy over the last few days to ease my guilt, such as name calling etc;

Will keep you all informed of progess, as you have all been there for me, and helped me to gain the much needed strength

I just wanted to say keep your spirits up and keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing by getting out of this relationship. I was with ex-p for 7 years before I was able to break things off for good. I actually had to move in order to do so. Every time I would think I had gotten him out of my life he would always find a way to niggle back in.

But now I have been with dh for 10 years and we have two lovely dcs. Life is so much better! It will be for you too. In fact, I know that it already is since you have taken the first step. Just be very careful having him around you again even for a few days. People like this are experts at making you feel confused and unsure about your feelings. If you feel that starting up, go back and read your first post again - as many times as you have to.

Just keep taking it one day at a time and you will grow stronger. Also agree with what LewisFan said, but it's far better to repeat positive affirmations such as "I am lovely", "I am strong" and "I can do this" than to say "Iam not " and say any of the stuff that he has been feeding you, because then those words are in your head. Think of is as medecine and take it 5x a day or whenever. I'm still not there yet, but am so much stronger than I was, and I used to find that when I started to get the doubting thoughts etc, that saying something positive to myself out loud, despite how I was feeling would really help.
You are doing really well
x x x

agree completely with whatanother, somehow its much easier to believe the bad stuff, especially when someone repeats it constantly to you. Might feel silly saying the positive stuff but well worth doing it.
take care!!

Well done!
My abusive ex left me six months ago and continued his mind games, being confusing, hurtful aggresive etc. I have decided not to see him and someone else hands DD to him on visits.

It feels great, wish i had done it sooner!