Thinking of a threesome, anyone have good experiences/advice?

[VeryUnsure]

I have always been interested in women, and my DH and I often discuss fantasies involving another woman/couple. I am seriously considering broadening our sex life to include another couple/woman, but whenever I have seen previous posts about this they mainly seem to be negative. Could anyone tell me if they have had a good experience, and how we would even go about looking for someone to join us? Also what happens when you meet another couple/person, do you arrange a meeting before hand to see if you get on?

I'm sorry if this sounds naive, and please don't shout troll, I'm a regular MNetter, but have name changed, obviously. Please be gentle, its taken a lot of courage for me to push post......

I can't recall exactly when or how we came to talk about/fantasise about it but it is a recurring theme!

Like you there is no pressure from dh and I have started to recognise that for me it has always been there in the background, a curiosity or an interest in women.

I think engaging in something by myself is neither an option or what I want. I think its partly wanting to explore this part of me and partly wanting to experience something different with dh. We are at the should we do it/is it best kept as a fantasy stage but that in part is mostly due to not having a clue as to how to make it a reality!

I am not sure whether another woman or another couple is better...I suppose another woman, to see how comfortable we are with it to start off with, rather than jumping in with both feet.

Is there anyone who's marriage hasn't been affected/made stronger by this?

How can it be cheating if he knows what's going on and is okay with it?

'I suppose another woman, to see how comfortable we are with it to start off with, rather than jumping in with both feet.'

Sounds to me like you want a lesbian experience, but feel guilty about this so want to involve him.

If you do decide to involve him, make sure you are clear that you would like to share with a bisexual woman, since a lesbian wants to have sex with another woman and generally doesn't want a man on the scene at all, even to watch.

UnsureMK2 I'm feeling that you are in exactly the same position as us! It's that next step...and there are so many threads where people say don't! I am also not sure how these things work, it seems something that you have always been involved in or never involved in, and there doesn't seem to be anywhere to look for those of us who are interested, but not sure how it works, or what happens!

expat Obviously I would like to enjoy myself, but I definately want him to have fun too. I just meant that having one extra person in the room might be more comfortable than two more people, but that's why I started the thread, to ask about these things!

You might find stuff on sites like adultfriendfinder etc I guess.

I think it would be as well to remember that 'two's company, three's a crowd'

Proceed with caution - at the moment you're just curious but if you actually do something about this you will be opening a door in to a whole new stage of your relationship - and involving someone else as well. Is that really what you want to do?

BoF thank you, I will check that out.

have you discussed the couple/single woman aspect with your dh? Speaking with mine the option of another couple isn't one he is comfortable with and to be honest I don't think involving another man in things is'nt appealing to me either! For us its not about being able to sleep around but more about exploring something that we both wish to experience together.

We have looked at some sites online but we are still not sure if that's the best way to go.

We have talked about it, and he seems very comfortable with the idea of either a woman or a couple, although the other man would be for me, not him iyswim. But fully understand about the wanting to experience it together.

I know what you mean about online sites, this is where things become unstuck, just how do you go about finding someone/someones? Had a look at the site BoF suggested, it looks good.

If you google swingers there is bound to be loads of sites- maybe try adding 'bad experiences' for balance? Only you can know I suppose, but you sound keen. I would consider it best left a fantasy myself, but I'm not you.

Northernlurker - I suppose that is ultimately the question, but we have discussed it, for what seems like years. I am not sure whether this next step is too big, but I am certainly going to think about it further, taking on board everyone's comments.

BoF - Keen is one word! I think we are very experimental, so this is another thing to experiment with, but its a big thing iyswim. That's why I want to take the practical side of things slowly, do some research etc. I knew MNetters would offer a balance!

UnsureMK2 I have to head off now, but if you wouldn't mind, could we keep in touch over this? It's great to meet someone at the same stage as us! You can tell me to naff off if you like!

BitOfFun you may be right in that this is best left as a fantasy but it is something that has been discussed for some time now and not just in the heat of the moment iyswim?!

It may well be left as just a fantasy as we have not acted on anything online or otherwise but it is also not something I can just drop into conversation with my nearest and dearest which is why it is helpful to discuss such issues and I'm well aware that alot of people will only have the negative aspects to post about

Firstly: plenty of people have threesomes, either as a one-off or on a regular basis and they don't all burst into flames, go mad, contract social diseases or end up getting divorced.
I don't know whereabouts in the country you are, but one thing I would suggest is that you think about checking out a swingers' club or to - not necessarily to do anything the first time you go, but just to be in that sort of environment and see how you both feel about it (if you want to CAT me for recommendations feel free).
I would generally advise against involving mutual friends unless you know that they are swingers/poly people as the fallout can be appalling, whereas with people you meet on the swinging scene, everyone knows the rules and keeps a degree of distance.
If you have a relationship that's strong and happy then it is very unlikely that a bit of mutually-agreed experimenting will harm it, but if your relationship is in a mess, a threesome or dabbling in swinging won't necessarily fix it. A key point to remember is that if you both agree to try something, then you both agree that, if it doesn't work out, neither of you is entitled to put all the blame on the other.

I certainly won't tell you to naff off! At least you were brave enough to hit post!! Keep us updated of any developments

Just quickly, before I go, thanks SGB, I may well CAT you on that.

UnsureMK2 will do

SGB thanks for posting. I think that's probably the next step for us - finding an environment in which we can explore just how comfortable we actually are with this without having the commitment of 'meeting' up with someone.

If you don't mind I will CAT you as I think there is only one way to see if this is just a fantasy and that's to do something about it!

Remember if you do go down the contacts route: always meet in a public place and say to the people you are meeting that it's a meet to see how you get on (this is what nearly everyone does anyway). ANd if you don't like them, just politely thank them and leave.