Sick n tired of being controlled, smothered and all the rest of it! just a rant lol!!

[SophieB1]

Hi just thought id have a rant on here to let off steam and have a normal adult converstaion instead of a convo with my self or my mates over txt!! ive been with my bf 7 yrs all together, we have a 2 n half yr old, i left him last yrm but came bk as we seemed to be gettin on really well, an incident happen as i moved bk with a bloke i was seeing, my and the bf wasnt together at this point but ever since that point in time things have gone down hill.. his sooooo controlling, always asking who am i txting, what am i saying, what are they saying and the same with facebook!! im due to be going out this wkend for a special occassion but finding a babysitter is proving difficult, the bf said last nite that if we carnt find a babysitter then his just going to drive off which means he drives off i carnt go out, selfish or what?! if i go round my best mates house we have a row before i go because he says he is sick of being stuck in doors by himself but we have just sent a whole 2 wks together on holiday!! he is driving me insane and his so good at twisting things round to be my fault so then whilst we are in the middle or a row i then have to think hang on am i in the wrong?!!

i know i should leave him and i am in the process so getting my own place but i am not going anywhere till i get my own place because i want all of mine and my sons stuff instead of just getting a few black sacks full of stuff n having to buy my son a bed all over again!!

ples be gentle with ur comments lol im really fragile at the mo xxxx

I don't understand the bit about him driving off. You said that if you can't find a babysitter he will take the car, but surely if you can't find a babysitter you won't be going anywhere because you'll be looking after your child. You insisting he stays in is just as controlling as him insisting on going out, perhaps more so because him taking the car for the evening isn't really affecting what you'd do. Taking it in turns to go out if you can't get a babysitter sounds sensible. He does sound controlling in other respects like not letting you go to college just because there are blokes there.
I'd think about RELATE if you think your relationship has a future, although I couldn't live with a bloke who wouldn't let me go to college or be anywhere with other blokes.

yea i think your right NOTPLAYING, i mean he is still young, i think it would be a different story if he was in infant school! anyway i filled the form out, its complete ive just got to wait to get paid fri to have a 3rd recent payslip and i can send it off!! it is a weight off my shoulders knowing that i have done the housing form, but ive just got to put up with him till then, i put in the notes bit of the form that it is intolerable to live with him and that we argue alot and it is effecting our 2 and a half yr old son and that its affecting my health, the lady on the fone told me to write something in the notes because his not actually kicking me out

yea the car thing is exactly what REALITY' meant, in his words if he carnt come out with me then he doesnt want me to go out at all, i dont love him i carnt see a furture with him so i feel like im wasting my time with him when i could be getting my life sorted and searching for a decent man who i will love and who i actually want to be with

Hi 2Rebecca, just wondering if you've ever been in a relationship like this or know anyone who's been in a relationship like this?

There is no reasoning with "men" like this, they want it all their way or no way, Sophie isn't begrudging him driving off in his car the issue is that he's prepared to deliberately leave so she has no babysitter.....in other words using the child to control whether or not she has a social life, he's trying to isolate her and won't be satisfied until she loses all contact with friends and the only person she can rely on is him, when it gets to this point he will constantly have her under his control making her feel worthless, he's already trying to discourage her from doing something positive with her life in the fact he begrudges her going to college. Its not love its control.
Relate are good for healthy relationships that have taken a bit of a knock and need help getting back on the right track, they are no good in cases where emotional abuse is an issue.

Whose car is it?

its his car but i pay the insurance... he doesnt know i want to go to college but i know that if i told him he would reel off loads of excuses of why i couldnt go etc etc but i wouldnt plan on going back to college until our son is in school. he asked me if im cheating on him last nite, al because i went to bed really early as i havent been sleeping well!
well sat nite is off, i carnt be bothered with the hassle its causing, i know what ur thinkin if i do that his won but i honestly 100% can not be bothered with him rattling on saying 'dont forget this needs paying' 'dont forget u have to give me money for this' etc etc!

What are you getting out of this relationship?

nothing.... but im not going anywhere until i get my own place because i want all my mine and my sons bits, if i told him i want to leave him he would bag up all my stuff and kick me out there and then, least this way i can get all our bits!

KAZZI70 can i email womens aid? i can explain properly about everything that way or would it be best to ring them? what do i say?!