Hi 3Missys. I saw this post the other day and it stuck in my mind so have come back to post today.
Your post could have been written by me 7 or 8 years ago. After I had dd1, I lost all interest in sex. Had been with my husband about 10yrs and living together for about 5. We had a great sex life when we first got together but it dwindled into boring routine as the years passed. By the time I'd had my first child, like you I felt if I never had sex again I wouldn't be missing out. Sex had become a chore and something I'd put off for as long as possible, sometimes months. It worried me and I felt guilty but I pushed the thoughts away and buried them in busy day to day routine.
When trying to get pregnant with dd2 we did have more sex, but after I had a miscarriage I became obsessed with getting pregnant and forced my husband to have sex every other day - ironically we were having lots of sex but it killed any romance or excitement dead as it was so obvious that all i wanted was to be pregnant. And as soon as I was pregnant that was it.
To cut a long story short dh started an affair when our dd2 was 3 months old. I don't want to scare you because this might never happen to you, but what I do want to tell you is that during the 2 yrs we spent trying to save our marriage, I realized that I had been making a big mistake on the sex front.
My analogy is that having sex is like going to the gym - the thought of it is so dreadful and unappealing when you haven't had any exercise for ages, so you put it off and off, make every excuse under the sun but still feel guilty about it underneath.
Then, when you do start going to the gym and get into a routine, it's great and becomes second nature - in fact, sometimes you find yourself wanting to do it even more. For me, sex was the same. Once I forced myself to get to grips with the issue and start having regular sex with my husband it wasn't an issue any more and it became second nature. I would say I became much more sexualized the more sex I had and ? shock horror - even enjoyed it.
I honestly believe you cannot have a happy unclouded relationship without sex if one party wants and needs it. And sex reaps huge rewards in terms of intimacy, trust, closeness etc. And I think if your dh is a great husband and a good provider and you want your marriage to endure, you need to be having some sex with him!
For what it's worth, I would suggest that you make a deal with yourself or your husband that you will have sex a certain number of times a week or month. Sounds so clinical but it worked for a friend of mine. Sex, or the lack of it, became such an issue in her marriage that she & her husband were arguing frequently so she agreed to have sex 3 times (I know!) a week but not at any other time, and he couldn't nag or harass her once the 3 times were up. Strangely it ended up all being rather erotic and also she loved her nights off when she'd be in bed in pjs & bedsocks with a cup of tea at 8pm knowing he wouldn't be able to start groping her while she had her nose in a paperback.
Perhaps you could even tell your husband that you'll have regular sex with him if he stops viewing porn? But at the moment the no sex thing sounds like the elephant in the room and it's obviously affecting how you feel and your marriage.
This may not be what you want to hear but I really hope this helps...