I am a regular, but my dh knows my posting name so I have name changed.
I'm not sure what I hope to gain through writing this, but I need to get it off my chest.
I went out with my best friend on Saturday. We are in our mid-late twenties and we go out about once every 2 months. We go out in a town local to her, and stay at her house as she has no children so it is more convenient. I have children. We are both married. She married about 8 weeks ago, and her dh is currently on a holiday with friends. When we go out, we drink wine, but we go out primarily to catch up and dance a lot, not to get drunk. The last few times we have gone out, we've ended up at a late club which is open until 6am. We always regret it the next day as we are so tired and have spent too much money, so this time we agreed before going out that we would go home when our favourite bar closed at 2am.
Well, it got to 1.45am and we were approached by a stag do. They were a friendly bunch from another town, and they asked us if we could offer some advise about where to go on to after the bar closed. We agreed to take them to a club that is open until 3am. When we got there, they bought us drinks to say thank you. We had a good dance and 3am came around so we began to leave to catch a taxi. Two of the men asked us if there was anywhere else to go on to. This is when it all started to go wrong.
Ignoring our promise to one another, my BF and I took the 2 men to the late club. There they bought us more drinks and we all chatted etc. At one point, I looked across to my BF and she was very close to one of the men, they were leaning in to be heard over the music, but for a slpit second I thought I saw them kissing. When I asked my friend, she said this never happened, although she felt flattered with the attention from him (I will say at this point that my BF is completely gorgeous, but not full of confidence).
We stayed at the club until 5am, when utterly exhausted, my BF and I decided to go home. The men then made a suggestion that we go to their hotel with them, as it was almost next to the club. I cannot believe I am writing this, but we (grown women, and myself a mother) agreed to go back to their hotel. I cannot believe we would do something so completely stupid. These men could have been anyone and could have done anything to us. But, we went back with them. My BF went upstairs first with one of them (can't believe I let her) whilst I stayed downstairs for a while having some water. When I got back to the room with the other guy, my BF and the other man were asleep, him under the covers, her on top, fully clothed.
I went to bed in the other bed where the other guy was sleeping. I must have fallen asleep straight away, but I woke up a couple of hours later, realised where I was, woke my friend very quickly and we left. We got a taxi back to her house and went straight to bed without talking about any of it.
We woke a couple of hours later when my dh rang to say he was coming to collect me. My first reaction was, 'I need to tell my dh about this' My BF then burst into tears at the realisation of what had happened. She was inconsolable. She begged me not to tell my dh, because if I did, she would have to tell hers and she said he would never believe her that nothing had actually 'happened'. I agreed that it looked very bad, and if my dh had gone back to a hotel room with 2 women from a hen do, I would be livid and as much as I love my dh, I doubt I'd believe nothing had happened. BF was blaming herself, saying she was a lot less drunk than me and should have stopped us going back to their hotel. I told her, as a grown adult, she is not responsible for me. By the time my dh arrived, she was still in pieces.
We spoke on the phone later in the day, and she was still inconsolable. She said she felt awful for making me lie to my dh, and that it made her think about her dh's reaction. I tried to calm her down and suggested she'll feel better when her dh is home from holiday, today. I text her before bed to check on her, and she said she still felt no better about it all.
I don't know what to do. I feel awful that I did something so bloody stupid. Not only could I have got myself seriously hurt, I acted outside the boundaries of acceptable behaviour for a wife and I can't bear to see my lovely, lovely sweet and sensitive BF trying to take all the blame and hating herself. I've never seen her so distraught, and we've known each other for years, even living together in the past.
What can I do? Obviously, apart form not going out again and putting ourselves in such a situation. What can I say to BF to ease her self-loathing? I hate lying to my dh- I was quite prepared to tell him everything, and this is alien to me, knowing I know something and not telling him. He has gathered that something is wrong with BF as we have spent so long on the phone, so I've now had to invent a story to cover up- which I feel sick about doing.
I'm so, so ashamed of my behaviour. All because of alcohol.