we hit eachother....it's all too much

[ksmm]

Ok this is going to be a long one....I slapped my husband today.....that's half way through the story...sorry but this will be a long one.
We met, married and got pregnant straight away. I had TB during pregnancy and also suffer from lupus. This all affected baby and she had heart block, I was told to have an abortion, i refused...now my dd is 6 years old and healthy 9with a pacemaker) after she was born we moved out of his parents house (Thank god) and I though that would be good, but it was just easier to argue reeeeeeally loudly. Then the money problems started and to cut a lonbg story short sometimes I never had money for milk...but he still found a way to live in this lavish 4-bed house and have a 'keeping up with the jones' lifestyle and managed his friday nite boys evening. I was at home all day and he came and went as he pleased, we argued alot, then I found out i was pregnant again dd was only 6 months old but we were both hapopy. 3 months into the pregancy we fought everyday and then it came....he hit me...threw me on the bed and went out. I left him...obviously came back after a few days. he hit me again when I was 6 months pregnant for about 10 minutes he slapped me while i was in bed just so easily. it became easier and happened about6-7 times and he spat at me while i was on the floor. Funny thing is i'm so strong and fiesty, the kind of girl who takes no s**t. People would be amazed if they knew i was in this mess. fast forward now and dd is 6 ds is 5 and things have been calm and happy but money problems are horrendous. we have people knocking on the door asking for wages, threats on the phone (DH has own business)and my once cool temperment is completely out of control. I used to be a lovely woman, pretty, confident and intelligent, now i'm a screaming mother who is ugly inside and out. So now to the present day, he no lkonger shouts it's me, but he talks to me like he talks to a dog, and started barking at breakfast, i screamed back and then he took my juice and poured it over mey food, i threw the plate at him and then it happended..i slapped him, then he slapped me and it went on...i now have a hand the size of a baseball and he's gone out. Help me please

Love is never never enough.

Sooooo...I'm back from the day out with my parents...and as typical parents...they already knew that there were problems. They said that i have changed so much over the past 10 years since me and H have been together and that i've stopped doing all the things i used to love doing and that my personality is sad and snappy.

They were shocked that he had hit me a few times over the past 6 years bt they were gutted that I slapped him yesterday as I never did in the past even when he hit me. But something just snapped and i just lashed out. Not acceptable nonetheless.

They will support me whatever I decide and its a relief to speak to them about it.

I just have to get through the next couple of weeks with us in the same house, though we are doing our best to avoid eye contact and even being in the same room.

Glad your parents are being supportive.

I think you know what you have to do.

Do you have to stay there for the next 2 weeks? Can you not stay with your parents? Are you going to tell him that you're going?
Be careful.

I'm going to have to tell him at some point, but will leave it until i have put things into motion and i think it's best to wait until he's calmed down from yesterdays situation.

But I will have to talk to him about the children and seeing them etc.

it's very positive that you have got to the point where you confided on mn, then today confided in your parents.

When you reach out, life reaches back.