My dad keeps asking me for money

[helpmegetthisrightplease]

Not really sure what to do.

When I was a student he divorced from his second wife. It was really messy and he was homeless for a while so I used my overdraft to pay the deposit on a flat for him to rent. It meant I went into debt which except for standard student loans was something I'd avoided up to then (I was in my final year at uni).

Since then Dad has met his third wife and had two children with her. He was left quite a lot of family money and all seemed well for a few years. However since my half sister became of school age (she's 9 and my half brother is 7) I've had constant requests for money. They've not been for things I'd consider essential either. So far I've been asked to pay DD's school fees and they'll pay half brothers. I had to say no to that, absolutely no way we could do this. I've been asked for ballet fees, contributions to huge OTT christmas and birthday presents and this morning it was a request for NINE HUNDRED POUNDS so that half sister can do a year of drama lessons. I said no again obviously. I've now received a long email detailing how I've let my half siblings down over the years, how I've not afforded them the same opportunities I have my own DD, how they've had to go to a poor local school because I wont' help and how I should take more responsiblity for family.

My Dad left my mum when I was 5 and paid very little maintenance, he only contacts me when he wants something and he always forgets DD's birthday.

I'm at the end of my tether I wouldn't see them on the streets or hungry but these constant demands for help with superflous things and the whinging about debt all the time are a step too far

Sorry this turned out so long. So upset

Is this a cultural thing ??

Or is he just deluded ?

This is one of the most unbelievable things I have ever read on here. They are asking you to take money that should be used for your own child's future and give it to them for luxuries. Can you see how outrageous it is? How can he possibly think you owe him or his kids anything?

Tell them to eff off.

Talk about emotional blackmail!!!

Don't give them any money!!!

Are you very well off compared to them?

Oh, this is off the freaking scale!

Firstly, please don't send that email to your half sister. She is only 9, the same age as my little boy, and he would be distraught at receiving something like that. Don't forget, they may well be using her email address, but SHE might end up reading the end result.

Secondly, I would send your father an email outlining exactly what you have told us here. (I would also cut and paste the email from your half sister, and say how utterly unreasonable and hurtful you find this sort of manipulation)

It's disgusting by the way and I feel for you.

We are better off them I thikn but not massively so. We both work hard to provide for DD and give her the best life we can afford.

He's not very well off but given he only works part time and his wife doesn't work at all its not that surprising (sorry harsh but true).

Agree with the others here. Shocking!

I would send him a bill for the money he owes you, and perhaps a list of the things you couldnt do as a child as he wasnt around. Point out that he is respinsible for his children, and that includes you, and that you would like a super holiday in the Maldives, tell him how much it will cost and when you need the money by. Tell him all your friends are going and you will feel very sad if you cant go.

Seriously tho, this is so beyond anything I have ever heard. It must make you feel very sad. So sorry your Dad is so shit. Please dont fall for it.

Don't worry I'm not going to send that email. In fact I've decided to put the whole thing on ice for 24 hours before I do another thing. I certainly don't want to upset her half sister its certainly not her fault

You do need to have a very big 121 with your Dad and his new wife, stating you never had the life they want for their children, you and your DP work hard to provide for your DD and they should take a leaf out of your book!

The dc are both school-age and the father works part-time, the mother not at all.

I would say when they are both working full-time and still cannot afford the stage-coach, let me know and I'll think about it.

I'm very sorry you are going through this helpmegetthisright. It is emotional blackmail at it's worst

I went through something similar with my father - I funded him through 4 marriages/divorces over 20 years and never received a thing back either financially and emotionally except endless abuse. He also has a 5 year old son who I was expected to fund . It was very stressful. I finally put my foot down and haven't heard from him in 2.5 years. It makes me sad that he is like this and I don't have a father but it is his choice, not mine.

Be strong and do what is right for you and your family.

If he chooses to keep having children then its up to him to support them.
He clearly is unable to do this and has never been able to in the past.
I would tell him to tie a knot in it until he can afford to support the ones he's got (including you).

I could maybe understand them asking for non-essential stuff like they have if you were obviously rolling in it, but by the sounds of it this is not the case.

Your Dad has a bl**dy cheek and the email from your half sister is really really unfair.

Don't reply to your half sister,I doubt if the email cam efrom her. I would pull your dad up on it and tell him if he wants that kind of lifestyle then he should work harder and tell his wife to get a job!!!!

Just going back to your original post, I see your father sent you a long email saying you need to take more responsibility for family.

this is unbelievable coming from him now, isn't it?

You mentioned he left you, your brother and sister when you were all very smaller and paid no maintenance. Is he now going to them for money too or just you?

I think really you have done enough, you got into debt to help him out and he did not repay you. He expects you to pay for his dc to attend a private school and have drama lessons whilst he treats you like this. He is being entirely unreasonable

I'm sorry it must be very hurtful for you. i would cut him out of my life entirely, but I am not you. Hope you find a way forward that feels right for you but I feel you must make some sort of clear stand here. good luck.

Could you pay for my kids' flying lessons please?

That would make me really angry. I'd just tell him that you aren't his wife you're his daughter and that providing for his current family is his and his wife's responsibility, it was his choice to have another set of children.
He sounds really selfish, and unloving. Can't imagine my father ever treating me like that.
I don't think whether or not you can afford it is relevent. These aren't necessities and are the sort of things parents (or grandparents) provide for children, not half sisters with children of their own. A normal grandfather would be giving money to his grandkids, not trying to scrounge money from his daughter.
I'd feel used and angry.
Why should you give your half sib the same treatment as your daughter? Different if she was your stepdaughter or half daughter living with you. Say no and ask him not to ask for any more money, and say your disappointed that he just sees you as a source of cash.