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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this weird?

38 replies

BottySpottom · 27/06/2009 13:14

A so called 'friend' is a bit peculiar around my DH.

She divorced last year and I think came out of an abusive relationship. She has one child but would have liked more. My DH is quite a caring sort of chap and quite amiable generally, and I am getting increasingly spooked by her behaviour around him.

When he is around she talks a lot to him and seems to get on with him well. No problem there. However, yesterday we were at an event and once he had arrived (late), chatted to us and then gone off to get food, she became quite strange with me - quite distracted and non-communicative, having been fine prior to that. She has in the past been so friendly that when we went as a group to see a show, he had to turn his back on her (sitting round circular table) to get her to shut up so he could watch show. She is often making comments about how tired he looks 'poor My Bottyspottom looks so tired'. 'Poor Mr Bottyspottom travels so much he must be exhausted type stuff'. As it happens Mr Bottyspottom has for the last year had several nights away each week in a lovely hotel with nice food brought to him, meals in local restaurants and gentle swimming before supper. Meanwhile I had a new baby and two others and was getting b*gger all sleep. Yesterday she leapt up when he arrived and rushed to get him a drink.

Part of me thinks I am being paranoid and part of me (the bigger part, actually), thinks 'piss off and let me nurture my own husband please'.

Thankfully she is not a good friend, but is one a a little group I have recently been part of.

What would you do? I trust DH and I also think that if he was going to be unfaithful to me, it wouldn't be with her (he doesn't like some of her traits).

OP posts:
BottySpottom · 27/06/2009 19:29

Thanks all

OP posts:
BottySpottom · 28/06/2009 16:26

She has now replied to an e-mail about something else entirely (that I had sent prior to this thread) saying 'I enjoyed your and Mr BottySpottom's company at the [event] on Friday'. Strange again - I will often mail someone after a party or something to say 'great to see you' but wouldn't bring their DH into it unless they had both hosted us.

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screamingabdab · 28/06/2009 21:10

Botty Yep, sounds to me like she does fancy him. I too get the heeby-jeebies when I get that vibe from someone. For a start, it's quite rude and un-sisterly of her to be so obvious in front of you.

BUT, it doesn't mean she can have him, does it ? As long as DH is not in any way encouraging her (which it sounds like he's not) ,the way I would try and see is is to feel sorry for her. You've got this great DH and she hasn't. I wouldn't go out of my way to see her, but when you do, be lovey-dovey with DH and really nice to her.

BottySpottom · 29/06/2009 11:00

Thanks abdab - she was at it again at school this morning. He is apparently fantastic because when he went to the bar to get her a drink (she had rushed to get him one when he arrived and he was reciprocating) it was incredible because it was filled right to the top .

She might not even know she is doing it as she is fairly self unaware.

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noddyholder · 29/06/2009 11:10

Why don't you just ask her right out?She sounds a nightmare really annoying more than anything else!I would say 'I'm lucky your not his type or i'd have to keep an eye on you!'joke style

noddyholder · 29/06/2009 11:10

you're

BottySpottom · 29/06/2009 11:12

I could never do that Noddy! I think I'll just smile sweetly and hope she doesn't grow 18 inches, dye her hair brown (she was talking about it actually), and loose 2 stone! (miaow)

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Dior · 29/06/2009 11:12

Bless her - she is either incredibly thick-skinned and doesn't realise how annoying this must be for you OR she is evil .

Women like this are annoying.

Dior · 29/06/2009 11:14

Yes, a jokey, 'Blimey woman, he'll be thinking you're after him if this continues! Good job he loves ME!" might do the trick. She needs to know that she is going over the top.

slug · 29/06/2009 11:52

She sounds like my brother's MIL who, after her husband died, went on her first trip abroad to see her daughter in NZ and raised everyone's eyebrows by simpering all over my dad.

By all accounts her marriage had not been that great, she was married at 17 to a bloke 25 years older who had been traumatised by his war experiences. He was a right old tyrant and a complete mysognist to boot. When he died she sudenly found herself a reasonably attractive woman in her 50s wlith enough money to travel and do what she had always wanted to do but had not been allowed to.

We think the overt simpering and flirting was not conscious. She was, in a way, practising with a safe male. Dad was treating her in a polite manner, taking her wishes into consideration and asking her what she wanted to do. This was the complete opposite of what had happened in her married life and she just didn't know how to respond appropriately. Poor dad was flustered by the whole affair. Mum, on the other hand, just rolled her eyes and waited till the worst had passed.

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. Your DH can see what is happening and does not seem inclined to take her up on her implied offer. You'll probably find that eventually she'll find her own feet, meet a nice bloke and all the attention will stop.

screamingabdab · 29/06/2009 13:41

Good post slug

mumsiebumsie · 30/06/2009 13:15

Miaow to bottyspottom's last comment! . That's the kind of comment I'd make to her face but then I'm like that and it isn't always for the best.

Doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.

BottySpottom · 30/06/2009 16:25

mumsiebumsie it's always a bit gutting when someone pug-ugly fancies your DH! (until that last comment I was secretly hoping she was a M-netter!).

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