OK I need you to give me the verbal leathering of my life please.

[ohcrappitycrapcrap]

I am on the verge of doing something really really stupid, I justb cant seem to stop it happening, I cant tell anyone in real life for obvious reasons and I need help, Please.
I have been texting an old friend but the texts have got more and more intimate, I have met up with him a couple of times, nothing sinister as he is a good friend. I am on the verge of lying to dh and meeting him ton8iight. I musnt so please be my girlfriends and kick some sense into me.

You know that your old friend is using you. He knows that you are vulnerable and needy right now and is heaping attention on you to get what he wants.

Don't do it.

Block his calls/txts/emails. Delete his number from your phone so that you cannot contact him.

Get a babysitter and go out with your DH.

How old are your DC?

Tell him again and again if needs be. He has to underdtand before he can help. Sometimes it is very hard to change the way you are because we all get into habits and patterns of behaviour that are far from ideal. Think about what you can change yourself, maybe introduce a night of the week that is just for you and dh. Kids in bed early, no TV, nice meal and chat. Ask him to start bringing home flowers and wine for that one night of the week.

There are many ways to change and improve things, until you have really tried them you are not being fair to yourself, your dh or - most importantly - your dc.

As wise aphorisms go, I think this is rather good:

The grass may look greener but you still have to mow the lawn.

Well done for texting that you can't do it. Keep strong.

he just text me back and said he knew I couldnt go through with it. stupid game that got out of hand so quickly. I dont want to lose friend, he has been a good friend for years, and I have always known that he liked me, it was me using him not the other way round.
I have justb started a new job this week, I was hoping that would make things clearer but it seems to have made them worse, it is at the place i worked before dc and i am dreaming of the life we had then, how screwed up am I.

Not at all screwed up, I think his is a stage almost every mother goes through - in terms of being whistful for the past.

Your friend sounds like a good friend, it would have been better if he had put a stop to it when he saw where it was heading but he is not trying to pressure you or make you feel bad so that counts in his favour. You have not done anything to be ashamed of at this stage and you have reacted correctly to the potential for it.

Seriously, don't worry, chalk it up on the experience wall and use it as a springboard to make some positive changes to your life. Stop seeing it as something bad and see it as the moment you knew your life needed to change a little. We all have those moments, I am having one at the moment too, this is yours

Give yourself a break. Sometimes life does hit a crisis point and you think "wtf am I doing, what do I want?" Accept that that's happening and that you will come out the other side with more clarity. You're doing the right thing so far. Be kind to yourself - even if it's just booking a facial or something.

WHY are you doingo this? Do you want to hurt your DH and your family, possibly beyond repair?
Are you THAT fed up with your life at the mo?

Mad bint you are! Please if you absolutely feel the need to meet up with this twat bloke, then at least be honest with your DH about it. In fact, better still, get a babysitter and take your DH with you and put a stop to this nonsense NOW!

(that good enough? or would you like a virtual as well?)

oh and I've done it again - I thought it was too short a thread to have turned around so quickly so didn't bother to read it all...

Well done, well done him, all clear, don't let it get out of hand again unless you really mean it.

I am glad that you and he have done the decent thing.

This is a thing that happens to a lot of couples and the important thing is that you realised before it got too out of hand. Well done.

Put the kids to bed, have a glass of wine and a cuddle on the couch with your DH this evening and put it behind you.

Could you get away for a few days together without the DC?

So pleased you have done the right thing. Don't let it start again though, will you? Wouldn't be fair on OM either, actually.

Be proud you have stepped back from the precipice. If only more people stopped and questioned this. You should be thoroughly proud of yourself, but do use this experience wisely.

Thanks for being nice, I cant beleive I let things get this far and how quickly it hasppened.

ormirian TWAT is such a good swear,rarely use it but it just seems to be the right one when i do use it! no judgements here just made me laugh about my fave TWAT

Well done crappitycrap.

You have done the right thing.

It's so tempting to do something exciting even if it is not the right thing.

Perhaps you and DH need to get yourselves together and go out together - just the two of you and do stuff you might have done on a date. DH took me bowling a few months back - without the DC. It was a date. It was very funny and we couldn't really have a conversation because the music was loud and I don't hear well and he mutters. We were a bit like fish out of water but it was good.

Marriage can be hard work. It's like a garden - needs maintenance and sometimes a really good looking at and sorting out. Do some weeding woman and then plant something fresh.

Read this thread.

Stop now. You could break his heart and destroy your family. Put your energies where they should be.

Ups and downs, I am sorry. I cant really say anything else can I. I am a twat.

No, you knew there was a line, and you didn't cross it.Therefor, not a twat.

You now need to use the opportunity you've given yourself to improve things, and make sure your DH knows how unhappy you've been.

but I did cross the line, I lyed to dh last night I arranged to meet om tponight, I have crossed so many lines that I never thought I would over the last few weeks that I am not sure i even know who I am anymore. I do however know that I am responsible for getting what I need out of my life and my marriage and it is ridiculous to look for attentuion elsewhere jus5t becauser I am not getting it at home, I am not a 5 yo having a tantrum.

This is why I think you should tell him, Crappity. He'll get the most monumental shock and it might mean the end of a long friendship with OM, but it's probably what's needed too.

You have crossed the line, but you didn't jump off the cliff. I know if my DH had ever had the balls to tell me at the texting stage what was going on, it would have been an almighty shock and yes, some pain too, but nothing like we have been through this past year, trying to recover from a proper affair.

Secrets like yours also prevent future intimacy. It could be your DH has got his own secrets too. Use this as an opportunity to form a better relationship and once all the secrets are revealed, counselling would help you do that.

Take some time out if you can, as a couple. Try to rediscover yourselves as a romantic couple and not just parents struggling with everyday life.

Be brave, Crappity.

You will feel so ashamed of your stupidity, when you knew that what you were doing was stupid, so why live with the burning cheeks, the loss of self respect, just because you're flattered that someone's paying attention to you?

We've all been there, we've all played it a thousand different ways. I very much regret mishandling the power I had over one bf when I was young, but the power of knowing how much he was 'into me' went to my foolish head and I was a total bitch and toyed with his emotions because I could.

You're a mature adult, and that supposedly gives you the earned and learned ability to distinguish right from wrong. Apply that knowledge.

Just read back thru the thread - that'll teach me to leap to the end - and good for you! Not as exciting, but certainly more easy to live with.