Disinterested husband

[ozirish]

Married nearly 7 years have a 2.8 dd everthing is ok except H hardly shows any interest in me. I feel so sexless and unappealing but I know I'm not.

I work 4 days per week and do majority of housework and child rearing. I look after myself - ok so I'm now a size 12 but I get looks if you know what I mean. I know I'm not ugly. Why does my husband never touch me or kiss me or be affectionate or offer to make me a cup of tea ffs. Sex is once a week if that. Is he just using me as a housekeeper?

When I talk to him about it he says he's just really busy with work and his health isn't 100% but I feel so unloved. He's not having an affair.

He says he loves me and our daughter but I want more. I feel duped and I'm only 36. I know I have married my father figure now as he was also disinterested in me as a child.

Does anyone feel like they are just going through the motions? Should I seriously leave this man and hope for a better future and better example of a relationship for our daughter or am I delusional and is this reality.

It's not everyone's reality.

You are not wrong to expect outward shows of love and affection. It sounds as if he is happy to brush it under the carpet and make excuses.

Have things changed a lot since you got married?

Have you thought of trying to get your emotional closeness back by going out as a couple again?

Have you said what you want him to do- eg have you actually stated that you feel like a housekeeper, that he doesn't show affection, and that you need a hug? Could he try to do this?

Have you thought of going to Relate as a couple?

This is not a 'normal' situation for most people. Has he been like this from the start of your relationship?

It sounds to me like you've allowed yourself to be used as a 'housekeeper' as you put it. He knows you will do everything for him and is happy to let you carry on doing it.

Time to negotiate some new house rules. He needs do his share of the housework / cooking and maybe he'll begin to appreciate everything you've done for him over the years.

He also needs to do something to make you feel special, appreciated, wanted. Maybe he could start by making the first morning cuppa every day.

Otherwise you'd be perfectly within your senses to leave him in the hopes of finding someone who DOES appreciate you.

I feel for you im in the same boat, with sex very infrequent only when he feels like it so ive said NO until he can show affection and respect he rather go with out fine show your self some respect and be strong if i need to i'll do it on my own we are worth more than that.

God I think I would go into shock if it was once a week, we do it quaterly!!! If that. Still he's my best friend and I love him. He's tired, I am tired and when you've been at work all day and had the kids to sort out having sex is the last thing I want to do. Same for him I think. Will ask him when he gets home, you've made me worry now. Just remember he's probably tired and wants you not mummy/maid. try and get away for a weekend or go out for a meal, have a few drinks and see what happens. You sound like your stuck in a rut and plodding on, I am off to shave my legs and put some slap on, we're not due any for another month but you never know.

Thanks for all your insights. We haven't made any time for us it's always work or dd.

Just feel unappreciated and hate feeling like that as I can see myself turning into my mother and she allowed herself to have such an unhappy life.

Time to put me first and organise a getaway. PS sex isn't once a week just that it was recent so I remembered!