A couple of issues mixed in together I think here but bear with me. I have just returned from a family event and as usual it was a bit stressful. It is always the same, my dad is lovely but bad tempered, my mum lovely but clearly trying to ignore the problem that is my brother, yet she too is quite stoic by nature.. He is lovely too, and we love him but he has had a problem with drugs off and on for 13 years. He lives on his own in a bedsit and is always in debt after blowing his money on 3 day benders. Today he was probably on a comedown, tired, grumpy mono syllabic and edgy. It makes situations uncomfortable and awkward. He's had councelling in the past for addictions and is naturally quite a downbeat person and so different from the rest of us.
I came away with my own little family thinking I want my family to be so different from mine, more fun, more loving and less of the awkwardness, I never wanted to be with them from the age of 13 and everyone elses families seemed more fun, the closeness I had with my brother as little children has got less and less as the years have gone on and we're so different. I feel that because I have a boy and girl with exactly the same age gap that I don't want history to repeat its self I want them to have at least one other sibling to be a gang rather than a pair. I am broody too and love babies, the toddler bit puts me off more but when I look at the big picture I feel I want to re create a bigger happier family than my on, is this wrong?