I have reached the end of my tether fed up of walking on egg shells being told to F off

[abigproblem]

I want out of this relationship. DH is very controlling and a bully. He refuses to do things with DC such as homework, swimming lessons, parties etc. He does nothing around the house and expects to be waited on hand and foot. I work 0.5wte he works full time so expect to do more but no put up with so much abuse. If I ask for help eg get drinks at the weekend when I have cooked a meal the answer is no if I refuse to do something i get mouthfuls of abuse. he refuses counselling well why would he want to go he migt have to change. We sleep in seperate rooms, he tries to ban my family from visting and says if i leave he will fight me for custody. i just want out. i love it when he is away no creeping round at the weekends whilst he has lie in etc. will he get custody I could not bear to loose my children but can't stand this for another 13 years till they are 18

You can normally get an initial meeting with a solicitor either for free or a small one-off fee (they're after your business long term !). I did this and it really helped to know what issues I would face before I make the decision to separate. Custody is a big concern for me because I work but DH is part time and main carer (not that he does much!).

I couldnt not read without posting,i have no experience of dv but i think you have been given some very good advice on here.Please stand up for yourself,you sound like a lovely lady & a fantastic mum.

I wish you nothing but the best for you & your children.

Please call Womens Aid. If you look at their questionnaire I am sure you are someone they would want to help.

I grew up in an environment that sounds exactly like the one you describe. I used to dread it when my dad came home, so oppressive. We were such good kids - everyone said so. But we were reading the signs of tension all the time.

In the end my mum used my diary as evidence of what it was like. I was 13 before she started divorce proceedings. He made all sorts of threats - he even cross petitioned, and applied for custody of my younger sister. But it all fizzled out really quickly - he found someone else to bully - his secretary, and he lost interest in us completely.

Very very very good luck. You sound great - I really wouldn't worry about this threats. You are the strong one here.

my ex also used to keep up constant phone calls if i left him with dcs... part of the control thing.

speak to womens aid on your rights. ask advice on "how to leave".

start keeping record of what he says to you and when - keep a diary.

email him asking him again to attend counselling - so that you get a reply by email giving his reasons why not. this becomes a record too.

if you can get his threats recorded by email then keep and print out.

note any witnesses to any incidents (likely to not be any tho...they tend to keep it behind closed doors)

dont worry about residency/custody at this stage - clearly you are the main carer here.