Advice please re discovery of condoms in a washbag packed for a stag do.

[shootfromthehip]

My mate started seeing her current BF when he was living with someone else. They had an affair for nearly 2 yrs before the live in girlfriend became an ex (her decision).

My friend and her now DP have been offically going out ever since (about 6 mths).

He is going on a stag do tomorrow and is staying with her tonight so brought his stuff. Anyway, she was having a snoop in his bag (apparently she does have problems trusting him- quel suprise) and she found a condom in his washbag.

They don't use condoms. It may have been from his ex (not sure about the intimacies of their relationship!) but my mate is really upset and doesn't know what to do.

I personally think that he's packed it for a reason but I am an old cynic.

Can you give me your thoughts or any ideas about what I can recommend to her? She was snooping and so feels like she can't take the higher moral ground.

Thanks in advance

Errm, how old are these folk?

How old are the condoms?

Are they living together?

I take it they're not officially engaged?

6 months isn't really that long together as an "official" couple is it?

I'd have been v. v. hurt under these circumstances back in the day, but let's be honest - he could be merely hopeful, or (more likely) sensible and realistic about the probable outcome of the weekend.

If your mate really thinks he's playing for keeps now she'll just have to confront him. At least she (and he) will know the score and clear the air about where this relationship is going.

(Sighs, shuffles on comfy slippers and relaxes into the deep deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue..)

Shit isn't it.

I have to say thought if it was me I'd have him by the scrotum until he told me the truth. But I think he'll lie when confronted and she'll let him away with it.

He's forty, she's early thirties. they don't live together. Thankfully.

If he has only packed one he obviously doesn't rate his chances too highly....

oh you know what and I know its bitchy !
But bloody good - maybe she now knows how it feels - hes a liar and a cheat, she knows it, she stayed with him, she hurt someone else - what the fuck does she expect!

Ok, If they are not a "young" couple, then your mate REALLY needs to Talk the Talk.

V. sorry to hear this .

Hopefully they will be able to sort this out.

But TBH, if he is that old, he's probably beyond redemption.....

gross. he sounds like a cretin.

Is is very sad but she seems to feel that a crap boyfriend is better than no boyfriend.

Karma, anyone? I don't buy the "the other woman didn't make a commitment " line. Were their children involved in their sordidness?

Suggest she slip in a framed picture of her and him right next to it in the washbag. Barf I know but that way he knows she's seen it but she wasn't in his stuff for a snoopy reason.

I would think he wanted his mate to have a really fun stag do and the shop had run out of balloons.

Is he off to Amsterdam? Because generally the sex workers there use their own rather than trusting the clients to supply them.

Seriously he sounds like a ratbag and she sounds like a muppet to be with him knowing what he's like. She must be clearly in denial if she's putting up with him under the circumstances.

If I were you I'd back away quietly and just tell your friend that when she comes to her sense you'll be there.

Love meakin's idea!

Well said MacD.
You get what you give!!

It could be that the condom was in his washbag for ages, my DP certainly had condoms in his when we first got together and they were there for a long time - infact he may still have them. Difference is, I suppose, that I trust my partner and he wouldn't have taken them on a stag do!

Really your friend has no real idea if he recently put them there and all she can do is remove them. She could tell him she has or keep quiet about it, only she knows what's best. If he's going to cheat then I'm sure he can find more condoms in the blokes loos if he needs them anyway!

Should perhaps try to sort out the trust issues though.

If there is only one what has happened to the others in the pack?

If it were a new pack it could be for jokes for the Stag do, or planning to chat. If it one left over it raises the question of other nights out. It could be an old one, expecially if the expiry date is soon ish as they have long lives. Also if its in his wash bag then he isnt caring enough to hide it well is he?