Anyone had a 'break' from their partner?

[Lovemyshoes]

What do you think is an appropriate length of time to have a 'break' from each other.

We have been together 13 years and married 12.

But at the minute I am soooooo bloody bored and fed up, we don't talk etc and if we do go out together we end up in different pubs (some of you may remember the advice that you gave me the other night)

He does hardly anything in the house except for the laundry and cooking, this morning he got up, sat on the computer for an hour then started ranting and raving when the kids got up and wanted a drink etc with their breakfast, and also when the youngest dc said they didn't know exactly where their uniform was (after I spoke to her calmy etc about it she went and found it no problem)

He is on 6 days off and I asked him to do a few little jobs, all in all, they would take 1/2 max and he has done none and I will probably end up doing them myself.

Mornings are a joint effort in getting them ready for school etc, but, he won't help get things ready the night before to stop running around in the morning.

His shifts are due to change soon for a while and he is going to be so tired, grumpy and plain nasty sometimes and me and the dc will be walking on eggshells, some or most of the time he is off, and, I know for a fact he will be spending his days off doing nothing but his hobby.

He gets 6 days off out of every 10? So he works 4 days out of every 10? Are those really long hours? Does he do night-work so he sleeps all day...? What is his job? He's not a fireman, is he? Is his a vv stressful job where he is given that time off to help him cope...?

Lovemyshoes: Hello, what happened? Did you talk to him? Hope you're ok! x

Thanks for asking, I didn't talk to him last night, not did I sleep very well.

As soon as he got in he made the dc's tea, then ours and today he has told me what he is doing/done round the house and I am amazed.

I have forgotten my lunch and he is coming in the pouring rain to bring me a sandwich.

I don't know whether he has read this thread or what.

Yahoooo! Well, that's fabulous news. I think they can smell when we're considering leaving them (if only for a fortnight).

Long may his wonderfulness continue!

Yeah, they can smell when you are getting fed up, and will do just enough to keep you onboard.

Beautiful, I love your idea. I didn't realize until I read your post, but this is just what I've been trying to do of late. It feels really positive and enjoyable once you get the hang of it. The other day DP was surfing the net, so I just went and made my lunch, found a nice book to read and lounged on the sofa in the conservatory. Was ace! After that I had a little nap... I love my DS's nap times, long may they last

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, YES! Do that, it is amazing. You are free, in your mind. You can choose what to think about, who to spend time with, what to plan and what to worry about. Give yourself a mind holiday and just concentrate on you. Forget him for a bit, then when you are feeling really strong and sure of yourself, have a little chat about things.
x

There must be other ways of putting a sprk back into your relationship?

Seperate holidays, romantic holidays together, dates etc, etc, etc.
However, some people say that having seperate hobbies will stave away boredom and give you much needed space.

Not that I'm the expert!

cheerfulvicky -- thank you. I started doing it when I had a revelation: no wonder DH's life (and career) are blooming, he has two people putting their energy into it. What about my life? Who is putting energy into that? I'm not! (Or wasn't.) Awful to say, but I made that classic mistake of giving up a lot, a hell of a lot, of "my" stuff when I met DH. Then the DC came along and suddenly I was completely life-less.

Now, recently, I'm trying not to neglect my family's "needs", but I'm also not going to get all strung-out about their "wants". They can do that.

We need a name for this. Benign Neglect?

I'd like to echo beautiful, a break can be a positive thing! DH and I were like strangers to each other, seperate social lives, seperate rooms in the evening and generally bored. My DH moved in with a friend temporarily to give us both space! But we agreed we could sleep with other people in this period weird I know, god knows how we got through it! The first 2 weeks were wild, he had a 3 some with 2 girls, I started sleeping with a lad I knew and got loads of attention! Week 3 & 4 the novelty started to wear off. He was bored of going out spending all his money, I was bored of younger lad getting clingy! We kept it up for another 4 weeks until we were both miserable then we met and literally fell in love again! Talked endlessly, flirted put everying to one side, moved on and I hope have stronger relationship for it. Good luck