Feeling really down, sitting here crying, need somone to talk to......

[npg1]

Hi.

I feel awful. OH works away in the week and only back at weekends, he is studying an MBA and is constantly busy. He has been away for 2 and a half weeks to china for a business trip which means I have been home on my own with our 2 small children, no help what so ever.

I was so looking forward to speaking to him tonight when he got back to the UK (he has gone back to school tonight to study and will be home on friday.) We spoke for a while and then ended up having a row.

He asked me what was happening in July, I am going to Take that first week of Jule, he has some friends coming to stay from Uni the weekend after and then i said that it will be my little sisters birthday party the last weekend July and I want him to come so we can be a family. He got the hump and we had a row as he said he would come but woulnt be happy about it and if he has work to do he wont come. He has got a big issue with my mum anyway and it really anoys me.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to come and be socialable? I have just looked after the kids for 2 and a half weeks, I feel knackard, exhausted, fed up the list could go on and he cant do that for me.

not a nice end to the week for you

the end of july is a while away - lay it to rest, see how his workload is and see what happens...?

No not really, I have been struggling with the children for the past week or so, fed up with being on my own in the evenings, I feel so sad and hurt.

I know in July he will just come up with the excuse he has to much work to do so he wont come, his words were 'it doesnt matter if Im there or not, I dont care.' I just feel like I have done so much for him.

We have had 2 sets of friends stay for 3-4 nights over xmas, all being men who I had never met before. We now have in a few weeks a couple with their child coming to stay for the weekend , again who i have never met!

Being on your own with 2 DCs is not the end of the world. Loads of women's DHs travel- my DH used to travel all the time when the DCs were small and I just got on with it.

I am sorry but you sound unreasonable. Yes,it's hard to cope with DCs on your own, but it's not that bad!

If you are fed up with being on your own at night, get a good book to read or ask a friend to come over, or phone them if they can't.

Don't know how old your "little sister" is, but I can understand his annoyance at being instructed to go to a family party when he is so busy. He is presumably doing this degree so that you and the DCs benefit? give him some support and try to be more independent.

p.s- I think you are being unresonable with this party thingy- but I don't think you arebeing unreasonanable having to put up with his uni friends staying over- are they all young and single? Does he ask you what you think, or does he just ask them? if you don't want them to stay, do you say so?

Why not get in touch with the couple that is coming to stay for the weekend and saying that you look forward to their coming and what do they like to eat etc. Rather than resenting their coming, why not welcome it?

I'm not surprised you're feeling down! I honestly sit here baffled when other posters come on here and effectively tell you to put up and shut up, or whatever. You have children together, so your relationship should be a partnership.

From where I'm sitting, it seems as if your oh is doing exactly what he wants and inviting people who you don't even know into your home (I bet he expects a lovely clean, presentable house, good food etc laid on) but as soon as you ask for something, he has the right to say no! Doesn't sound like a partnership to me!

I think you need to explain to him just how low all this is making you feel and go from there.

I have to say entertaining people I have never met is NOT something I could easily bring myself to look forward to. I'm just not that type. I could cope with it if it was just for lunch or something, but not for whole weekends.

I dont think you are being unreasonable - it is a partnership after all.

He may be doing all this for you and the dc but what good it now?
You are not happy and if you are asking for some help why cant he help. It sounds as if you are 'helping' him to do what he wants and yet he is not helping you in return.

My h used to work away a lot too - and i thought it was for me and the dc and what the money could buy.
However that is no longer the relationship i want and so now i will not put up with it. They are his children too and actually all the money in the world is not enough to make up for the loss of contact with the children.

We have been lucky in that we have the chance to talk and work out what we both want out of life.

good luck

I agree with helsbels. He can not be the only one who gets to do things he wants. Looking after the dc on your own is soo hard and the fact he is in a huff just to come to a party with you. He should see it as an oppertunity like you said to have some quality family time.

he sounds so selfish, you are the one taking care of your children so he is free to study and work abroad.

i understand completely why you are so upset and yanbu. i tink you need to have a really serious talk with him, a calm one and let him know how hurt you are feeling. Try and make him see it from your side after all his job as a husband or partner is to make you happy.

xxxxxxx

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all - you are prepared to make the effort for his friends, so he should be prepared to do the same for your family occasionally. And I do think it is tough being on your own in the house every evening while he is away or working. You sound quite lonely which I can understand (it's not always possible to have friends round in the evening either, especially if they have small children too!).

Like helsbels says though I think all you can do is talk to him (but maybe when he has had a bit more chance to rest - he may just have been grumpy and tired from the travelling), and hopefully he will start to show a bit more understanding.