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Original poster

Do all relationships need a healthy sex life??

20 replies

diddle · 10/06/2009 23:06

Does anyone else find they get along much better with their partner if they have regular sex?
Over the last 3 years i've had 3 children and so sex has been bottom of my list apart from when making babies.

Now our baby is 10 weeks old and we're trying to get back to normal. I have noticed that we snap at each other less, are more affectionate in the day, friendlier, less likely to argue.

Anyone else find this, or do you have this without regular sex?

OP posts:
moondog · 10/06/2009 23:16

I believe so.
Otherwise what is the point?

ToughDaddy · 10/06/2009 23:16

yes, yes, yes

Tortington · 10/06/2009 23:18

i think it is an integral part to a long term loving relationship.

poshwellies · 10/06/2009 23:21

It's crucial for me and for dh.

But I have a friend who doesn't feel the need for sex and nor does her partner-they seem very happy and content.

It is about what you both decide is right for you.

ToughDaddy · 10/06/2009 23:22

Didn't a MNer say that she and DH ML every day for 2 weeks and then went 2 weeks without as a control experient and found that they got on so much better. I guess it is one of the ultimate bonding instrument.

But the sex must not be "selfish sex", right?

lilacclaire · 10/06/2009 23:31

I think it makes you feel closer to the other person as well, which helps in all areas of a relationship.

Ewe · 10/06/2009 23:32

I think it is incredibly important.

cory · 11/06/2009 08:45

depends on the people, I'd say

I do know of couples who for some reason, such as ill health, have clearly had to do without and their relationship has still been strong enough

darcysotherhalf · 11/06/2009 08:49

definitely makes a difference. i know i get cranky if i miss a few days!!

weegiemum · 11/06/2009 08:53

very important for us - not that much, I suppose, but if we miss a week things get cranky for both of us!

frazzledgirl · 11/06/2009 09:05

For me it's the difference between a loving partnership and a flatmate.

NotPlayingAnyMore · 11/06/2009 09:22

A healthy sex life doesn't = having to have sex though.
A healthy sex life should just mean each partner being happy with how frequently or regularly they get round to it

howtotellmum · 11/06/2009 10:29

Bloody hell- if you miss a week!

Guess you are still in the honeymoon period

My DH and I went for a long time ( years) without, mainly due to health issues.

However, I do have friends in their late 40s and 50s who are in celibate marriages and have not had sex for up to 10 years.

In most of these cases there is more going wrong in their marriages than the lack of sex- the lack of sex is a symptom- but, they are still together and their Dhs are not getting it anywhere else from what they know.

There is no hard and fast rule- it all depends on what suits you both- it's only a problem if they think it is- whether you are getting it 6 times a week or 6 times a year or less.

ToughDaddy · 11/06/2009 20:23

you can learn a lot by having one month where partner A calls the shots and then a month where partner B calls the shots. This just doesn't apply to sex. Compromise and feeding both parties needs is so vital?

screamingabdab · 11/06/2009 20:48

diddle I totally agree.

SolidGoldBrass · 11/06/2009 21:49

A healthy relatinship is one in which everyone involved is reasonably happy with the way things are. Frequency of sex is irrelevant. If one partner is content but the other is miserable (either because the happy one is not interested in sex and has managed to make the other one feel like a disgusting selfish beast who should control him/herself, or because the happy partner has managed to persuade the sexually reluctant partner to allow sex to happen frequently despite that person not being very keen) then the relationship is unhealthy.

mammablueeyes · 11/06/2009 21:55

my sexlife has been pretty non existent for a few years now due to health issues and stress, obviously it does have an impact and my dh gets pissed off at times but generally we are still very much in love with eachother and it doesnt seem to have affected that, we are very 'together' and I dont feel the need to have sex with him to show or maintain that

ToughDaddy · 11/06/2009 22:16

mammablueeyes- maybe there is a very good point to infer from what you say: showing that you understand your DP's needs is really at the heart of this. I think if bothe parties show mutual understanding of each others' needs then there is a real chance to create a very strong relationship based on mutual support. The more you give the more you receive?

best wishes with managing health and stress

picmaestress · 12/06/2009 00:38

yes they do.

jabberwocky · 12/06/2009 01:23

YES, on the sex bit.

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