Feeling unsettled

[FabulousBakerGirl]

Been a bit off with Dh tonight for the stupidest reason.

Doubt he will want to sleep with me tonight.

Have been together with him for nearly 13.5 years, when am I going to feel like we are building a history together and having a real relationship?

Are kids are 3, 5 and 8 and I feel like I am playing at being a mum too.

Also playing on my mind that I have another therapy type appointment tomorrow.

Oh dear. Go make him a cup of tea, what's done is done, but might make you both a bit friendlier! Do you have therapy every week?

god do you have sex every night?!!

I wish!!

I had hoped for some tonight though.

Actually in some pain - damn exercise dvd - so might let him off!

why doesn't it feel real? I'd have thought with 3 kids those ages it'd feel all too bloody real if anything!!

cos i am stupid

always been a bit weird tbh.

FBG, perhaps the idea you have in your head of 'real' is more about your perception of other people's relationships from the outside than it is about the reality of it?

Oh dear, it's late and I just got back from a knackering dance class with DP and I'm not explaining myself very well!

What I mean is, kind of like when you're a kid and you look at adults and it's almost as if they must have gone through some special 'finishing school' to become grown ups; and then one day you realise that actually part of you will always feel like a kid inside, just playing at being a grown up. I still have a feeling that someone is going to suss me out one day and realise I am still a kid and send me back to school or something.

I guess I am trying to say that I imagine a lot of people feel really different inside o how they appear on the outside. There is no set way you are meant to feel when you've been in a relationship for thirteen and a half years. It's your relationship, built around you and your DH - your lives and personalities and impressions and perceptions. It's no less real than Mrs Bloggs down the street who seems so settled and 'normal' - whatever that is.

Everyone is allowed to have 'off' days!

Wise words there!

Don't beat yourself up pet x

I never had a childhood so sometimes feel I am having one now at times and therefore I am not grown up yet.

My marriage is totally the best thing in my life an dafter the last few months I am very lucky to still have it.

Just feel like just as I get one thing resolved or clear in my head there is a set back or something else to stress about.

Both DH and I are waiting on health results and that doesn't help.

I also feel I worry about things and have things on my mind without really being aware of it or acknowledging it.

Am I making any sense at all?

FBG hope your appointment goes well,and the health results are good too - never easy waiting on these type of things as it plays on your mind dreadfully.

You are making sense.

Its fab that you can say your marriage is the best thing in your life and you have 3 kids - so lucky!

The thing is, although you are having to cope with stressful situations - you are coping!

I know it sounds trite, but a trouble shared really is a trouble halved - talk it over with someone, if you cant talk to your dh.

Hi fbg - you've been there for me a lot recently. I hope you're feeling a bit better today; how are you and dh this morning?

We are okay. DH keeps saying he wants us to move on but I feel like I need punishing more.

The appointment was good but I was surprised when I came out feeling tired out.

Just pottering for a bit and then will have some lunch. Not planning on doing anything major for the rest of the day unless I really feel up to it.

Punishing for what?

For hurting him.