dh is upset with me!! oh dear

[SlartyBartFast]

ds wanted to go out for the day yesterday culminating in sleepver, however it is dh's birthday. i asked ds to ask dh, who said, he didnt mind.
the first day out fell through but he went on a different day out, different people, then rung to say could he sleep over at so and so's.

i asked dh who was feeling pissed off anyway, cos we were shoe shopping with dd's... bit stress inducing experience... so dh said he didnt care anymore!

thinking he hadnt minded when the first sleepover was suggested i told ds, yes.

sigh,
there followed an upset dh and i shouldnt have let ds go!!

well i would pay no attention to be honest if he didnt want him to go he should have just said so but men dont do that do they so ignore it

he should take responsibility! HE SAID HE DIDN'T CARE. that's what happens when you say you don't care. other people do what they want to. tell him to grow up. slap

If he previously said he didn't mind DS being away on the night of his birthday I don see how you are supposed to know that he has changed his mind.

why is this whole thing your responsibility?

why didn't your DH say what he actually felt at the time, in the shoe shop?

why was the decision entirely yours to make?

what right does DH have to be upset abut something that he has not objected to?

It sounds to me like you are being manipulated through a passive sulk guilt trip.

thanks all.
i like those answers.
he should grow up, well he has considering it was his birthday!

Bubblagirl: "if he didnt want him to go he should have just said so but men dont do that do they"

MEN don't do that?

HA!

Men don't do that? Actually men are just as capable of answering a question sensibly as women. It's been said a million time,s but if you go about saying 'oh, men are like this' you are allowing them to be like it. Not all men are like this. Plenty of women are. They shouldn't be.

yeah i also hate the whole 'men can't do xyz...' crap.

just like you can't read a map, and you don't have a head for science. there there dear, go put the kettle on would you?

Ahhh I hate hurt thing that some people do when you take them at their word. I don't do telepathy and when there is more than 1 person in a family you can't always put them first and spend the day guessing what they want.

I can read a map. And I have a PhD in science. And actually DP makes nicer tea than me (not sure if it tastes better jsut because he made it though...)

He sounds a baby. If HE thinks it's turned out badly then HE should have made sure it all panned out differently.

have told him this and wont back down, though he threatens that on my birthday if dc;s want to go out for the day/evenign, he will let them.

no he won't, because you won't be such a twit as to say you don't care what they do.

Exactly.

Why were both of you shopping for girls' shoes? There is no need for group suffering like this. Next time make sure your DH goes on his own with the girls to the shoe shop.

Tell him to say what he means and mean what he says. I thought it was only women who did that huffy, shruggy 'Don't mind' thing?

I thought it was only women too. Then they go on MN and say AIBU: I just wanted dh to make an effort on my birthday - why did I have to explain this to him?

I reckon it was the shoe shopping that did for him. I'd be horrified if dh took my shopping for dcs shoes on my birthday. It might even make me come over all passive aggressive, which isn't my usual suit.

The very mention of those tickets in Clarks is making me reach for the wine bottle. Your DH must be forgiven all sins while shopping for children's shoes ...