Sex after kids, Can things ever be the way they were? Please give me hope!

[Dragonfly74]

Hi, Me and DH have been married for almost 4 yrs we have a DS 3.4yrs and a DD 14mths.
Before we had the DC we had a very active sex life and although we knew that having children would change things in that department neither of us were prepared for how much things would change.

Since having DS 3.4yrs me and DH have only had sex around once a month sometimes less, Its a miracle we ever conceived DD.
DH has a very high sex drive still and in my head so do I (I think about it a lot) but when it comes to doing it I just can't, Its like it feels unatural to me!!

I love DH so much he is a fantastic husband and father and I still fancy him, so what the hell is wrong with me. We are very much in love with eachother we cuddle lots and talk and laugh with each other, hold hands in public, We are always saying I love you to eachother.

I hate feeling like this, I feel guilty because i've turned DH into a monk, and I feel sad because I miss that part of our relationship, Its like that part of us is dead IYSWIM.

I've even been to the GP because I wondered if it could be something wrong with me, Please tell me things can get better.

as you know it's totally normal, we have a similar problem!

What I find best to do is to talk about it outside of the house.

And go back to basics; massages, kissing etc.

Also setting time aside helps here.

Also making myself be the one that initates makes me loads more in the mood. AMking the effort to wear nice underwear (not that I have much) helps too.

And finally for me the biggy is just to decided I will go for it even if I'm not in the mood and almost always end up being chuffed that I did!

Dragonfly74 - it happened to us like that around the age your DCs are now. Never seemed to be the right time, tired, and TBH kind of got out of practice.

Getting to bed early and finding space in your life is key. Taking time to get to know each other again and not crushing it all in the 15 minutes at the end of a busy day before you fall asleep.

Not always doing it in bed and in the bedroom also helps.

Sounds like you have a great relationship. There is nothing wrong with you in my view.

Just do it... really the more you do it the less unnatural it will seem. Pre kids DP and I would have sex most days.. A non sleeping and restless baby breastfeeding a million times a night and day meant no proper sex life for around a year. Sex is very important to both of us but I was not really interested .. it became a chore.
I agree with Noonki.. go back to basics.. kissing, messing around just having time alone is a good start. Maybe get a little drunk.. but just DO IT and you will eventually feel better about it. Good luck.