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Original poster

holiday fallouts with friends

54 replies

blowbroth · 04/06/2009 18:13

Is it just me or do other people fall out/argue at some point during a holiday with friends?

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/06/2009 22:47

The last few years we've holidayed with my brother and his partner. Which on paper is great, as they live in the States and we see little of them the rest of the time.

The reality is that they soon tire of their nephews and niece, want to spend all day every day lolling on a beach and then having long, late, complicated meals out. And while DB's partner is a lovely guy, he has never quite understood our need to play an extended Gin Rummy tournament on holiday - and it's a tradition, dammit.

Nevertheless, we will be going to Provence with them this Summer. And we WILL have a good time if it kills us.

francagoestohollywood · 04/06/2009 22:52

Really? I love going on holiday with friends.

lilacclaire · 04/06/2009 22:53

I went on holiday with my 2 best friends when I was younger, one ended up having a go at the other and then I ended up physically fighting with her in the street!! We never spoke for a while afterwards, she went home on the next flight and told everyone I beat her up (she absolutely flew for me for no reason). All this on the first night.
The rest of the holiday was great though, we got a bit nippy with each other one day, but we both went shopping seperately for a few hours then we were fine, I think the close proximity of 24/7 would bring out any niggles.

Ozziegirly · 05/06/2009 05:30

DH and I (long before he was DH) went on holiday with two of his friends and their two small children about 8 years ago.

I thought all was fine. The second to last day, I had gone to bed and DH was sitting outside with the husband of the couple.

He didn't realise I could hear the entire conversation as so called friend slagged me off horrendously, basically saying DH could do loads better, I was immature etc etc etc.

I listened like this dreading DH saying something in agreement. He 100% stood up for me, saying he totally disagreed, how he was really happy with me

I stormed out and confronted so called friend.

Dh and I left early next morning.

We have never spoken to them again. I have suggested a reconcilliation a number of times (especially as DH is godfather to their youngest) but he has always said no, he could never forgive friend for saying those things about me.

So no, I would never holiday with friend again.

Although hearing DH say those things made me completely realise how wonderful he was and we got engaged a couple of months later.

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 05/06/2009 06:46

I've been on holidays with girlfriends quite a few times with no problems, but we do tend to go on activity holidays so often just meet up for meals!
Going on holiday with DH, DS, a couple with a DS of 6 months and 2 single men to France in September which should be interesting but we are all quite laid back and agree that our main activities will be BBQing and pool lazing. *crosses fingers for nice weather.

FourArms · 05/06/2009 07:08

I like going on holiday with other people, particularly now we have 2 DS's. A job shared is a job halved and all that!

We've had all different types of holiday - with my parents, parents and other rellies, DH's cousins, friends and once with IL's, parents, siblings, aunt, uncle and cousins, and a few friends (our wedding in Dominican Republic!!!). All have been fine. But I'm very easy going, as is DH, and will do anything for an easy life

I find having people to stay with us for an extended period, or vice versa more difficult as you're under their roof, so their rules, or you have people in your house doing things you're not happy with, but I can't say anything, because I'm too 'nice'.

Original poster
blowbroth · 05/06/2009 07:24

Thanks for all your replies everyone. It does really help knowing some of you have had the same kind of problem! I too am 'nice' and tolerant so can let all kinds of things go. I think over time thingwill soften, it has to,we're camping with them in 2 weeks! Hatwoman, thanks for your input, it was actualy my friends husband who had the rant. She was mortified and said " that's how he is"!

OP posts:
squeaver · 05/06/2009 07:53

IME, I think the rules are:

If they are childless, they must be very, very good friends or relatives. Otherwise, they just don't get it. And you will resent them lying in.

Use each other for babysitting at least twice (in a week's holiday)

Don't think for a minute that you can replicate any kind of "routine" from home.

Give each other the power to tell each other's children off.

I have a friend who fell out so badly with another couple on holiday that the other couple left in the middle of the night, but only after letting down the tyres on my friend's car

skidoodle · 05/06/2009 11:17

Is there no way you can get out of camping with them? There is no way I'd put myself back in the company of someone who spoke to me like that so soon unless I got a full and sincere apology.

If his wife just accepts that "that's what he's like" then presumably it's just a matter of time before he blows up again.

Original poster
blowbroth · 05/06/2009 17:49

Hi all, have just seen the man at school pick up and he came over to say hi ,how was I and I got the feeling he wanted to say more but the kids were all coming out of school. There is no way we can get out of the camping but at least we are in separate accommodation! Them in a tent and us in our caravan. I hope it rains

OP posts:
skidoodle · 05/06/2009 19:20

LOL

I have this image of you all cosy in your caravan and them all miserable in their tent in the pouring rain.

I hope it doesn't rain and you have a great time and he makes his amends because he knows he was an arse.

LilianGish · 05/06/2009 19:30

I think it depends on the type of holiday. A skiing holiday with friends can be great fun - better than on your own in fact and have long analysed why this is. I think it's because there is no debate about what to do on any particular day - just get up, ski - either together or individually - then meet up afterwards for an analysis of the days events. Make sure there is no self-catering involved though so either hotel or chalet with chalet girls. I think with other holidays it's the fear of being organised by someone else whereas a skiing holiday is by its very nature an organised event.

Original poster
blowbroth · 05/06/2009 19:46

Liliangish, we were considering a skiing holiday with this family. We have decided that it might not be a good idea mainly because we like to get up and go ( the wife did say I had oomph) and they seem to be tired all the time and everything is too much effort. Not good for skiing! I think it may be time to just have these friends as dinner parties and occasional days out, but no more holidays,( except for the rainy camp weekend!).

OP posts:
Original poster
blowbroth · 05/06/2009 19:50

Very funny about the tyres squeaver! We should have done that as they left very early the next morning before we all got up. That was their plan to leave early and not just storming off!

OP posts:
hatesponge · 05/06/2009 19:53

I could never manage a holiday with friends.

Friends with children - couldn't do it. I find other people's children horrendously irritating and could probably manage at most a day or two with them before I would literally start to itch with irritation

Friends without children constantly criticise my children which is again bearable for a day or so but no longer.

I therefore keep any friend 'holidays' to overnights/weekends at most. It is quite ashame as I have one single friend who would love to come on hols with me & my DC, but I know by the end of the week I would want to murder her. For the sake of our friendship therefore I have to dodge the holiday issue with her!

Winelover13 · 19/06/2022 09:15

I don’t know if your still using this ... and I know the thread is from 2009.. but I just wanted to say ... I can sooo relate to your post! I am currently on holiday with 2 friends , I organised EVERYTHING! Because I wanted to make our trip so special ... after a few Prosecco last night it’s now come to light they think I’m a control freak !! Upset doesn’t even express how I feel! I even paid for my friend to do a afternoon as she doesn’t have much money but somehow I’m the control freak !! Wasn’t saying that when she was eating her free tea and sandwiches !

layladomino · 19/06/2022 10:00

I love my friends, but there are some people I wouldn't want to spend more than a couple of days with. Not because of any failings of theirs, but because we have different approaches to certain things that could start to grate. It doesn't mean I love them any less. I'm sure they'll feel the same way about me. I think it's especially hard if children are around, and you have different ways of dealing with them, eg if one family more relaxed about table manners or tidiness or bedtimes.

And there have been times when something has annoyed me, but I've kept that thought in my head as it's just that we're different, and I don't want to upset a friend or spoil a friendship. It sounds like this man was drunk and not thinking along those lines (or else he's always a bit thoughtless??). I hope he apologises to you.

Lanareyrey · 19/06/2022 10:30

I used to love going on holidays with friends until last year a group of us all went away, and after many drinks one woman decided it was a good time to tell me how much she resented me coming into the group (it was my birthday).

From that day on, I vowed I would never, ever go away with friends again!

MrsDamonSalvatore · 19/06/2022 10:35

I agree with your MIL about not going n holiday with people where you have to walk on eggshells around them. Also agree about not going skiing with them. My ExH and I fell out with friends because they were really early birds and we weren’t, so that wasn’t a good match for a skiing holiday. Like you, I’ve fallen out with other friends on holiday because they thought I was being ‘too organising’ so I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s just a mismatch of expectations, so best avoided.

MrsDamonSalvatore · 19/06/2022 10:38

Ahhh! Just realised this is a ZOMIE THREAD from 2009!

MrsDamonSalvatore · 19/06/2022 10:40

ZOMBIE even! Bloody typo.

Saisong · 19/06/2022 10:41

Aww all these old MN names made me nostalgic. I wonder if any of them are still around under name changes?

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/06/2022 10:42

No because we would do it 😁

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/06/2022 10:44

Wouldn’t!

ShaunaTheSheep · 19/06/2022 10:48

ZOMBIE THREAD!!

Still relevant though Smile

We have one set of friends that we have holidayed with since the DC were small and now we go as two couples. Very chilled.

And DH and I both have longstanding single sex friends/ groups that do weekends.

However I would be very wary of holidaying with anyone else. Too set in our ways to adapt to others' budget, plans, interests etc.

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