When do I tell my children they have an aunt they have never met

[fruitstick]

I have a sister who I no longer see - without going into details she caused huge rows over my parents' estate after they died and decided she hated all of us.

My children have never met her. DS1 is 3 and now very aware of his family. He is very close to my other sister and brother, they are kind of his surrogate grandarents.

I don't want to make a big deal of my other sister but don't want to hide her or her 3 children. I don't want him to be shocked when she crops up in conversation when he's 14.

DS2 is a tiny baby but the same will apply ar some stage obviously.

What to do?

My dad managed to fall out with his 2 brothers over his mums will. I hadn't been born.

It was never really a big deal for my dad and he was always open about it. He spoke about his 2 brothers but was quite open about the fact he never wanted to see them again.

Children tend to be very accepting of what their parents tell them.

You're probably right.

The thing is, it still makes me really sad. Just the way it all turned out really - although that's probably another thread.

I think it will be more of a big deal to you than your dc. Just mention you have a sister every now and again.

They will be fine

If your DC are anything like my DS, they will at some stage discover an intense interest in exactly who is who in your family, and whether that makes X and Y brothers or cousins or what. At that stage you can make sure your sister gets included in the discussion, then she'll be just one more of their family, even though they haven't met her. My DS was interested to know why he didn't have a second grandfather, and why he wasn't in any pictures.

I think they tend to find this factinating about the time they start school and realise that other people's families are different from theirs - then you get all sorts of questions about your family and other people's and it will come naturally out of that

Don't keep skeletons in the family closet. Be upfront - talk about your sister and your shared childhood (and the good memories) and how sad you are about her estrangement from the family.

My DP's brother died of AIDS in his 20s, before the births of his nephews and niece. We all talk about him, though of course not everyday.

As amuminscotland says dcs always ask who is in relation to who etc..
So just mention your sister then, I have always known that my mother had a sister who moved to England and has never came back, and that she has children (not sure how many, or their names) and its not a big deal

my ds asked me yesterday did my mum know my granny(her MIL)

*sorry should be who is who, and in relation to who

mrsjammi yours is slightly different though because your talking about your childrens actual sister? what age is your children? but if they are aware of her from the beginning they will just accept that they don't see her

I think it is best to keep it absolutely silent, so that there is something interesting for your children to discover when you die.

but I would always let them know they exist ,
they might question it when they are young but after awhile they will just accept it,

my dcs haven't seen my father for 2.7 years and after a few questions on and off they don't mention him, although I do wonder will dd2 who has never met him someday ask why she never goes to nannies house or does nannie not have a granda, like their other nannie does

TheProvincialLady