should I and how do I contact my ex

[susia]

I split up with my ex boyfriend that I was with for 10 years, over 10 years ago.

Since then both our lives have moved on, I am a single parent of a 6 year old and he had a long term girlfriend that he has since split up with.

It was me that ended the relationship for many reasons but ones that don't seem valid now. To be honest he made me happier than anyone before or since but I couldn't see that then.

He still lives in the same town as me and very occasionally I bump into him. 2 years ago I saw him and ended up having a one night stand with him, he was still really bitter towards me about our break up.

I want to have the opportunity to ask him if he'd consider giving it another go but I don't see him often and only at the pub when it's not easy to say that kind of thing! We don't have mutual friends and though I have a phone number for him, I'm nervous to call him. I did once call him - after our one night stand and suggested a drink but he wasn't keen. The way we ended 10 years ago was very messy and it was my fault for dragging it out because I wasn't sure whether to end it or not and I expect that is why he is still bitter.

I just want to have a chance to tell him how I feel and chat to him but don't know how.

He is on facebook but he looks like he never uses it.

Yeah, go on, you don't know if you don't try. BUT don't get your hopes up and don't put too much on the line, just ask him if he fancies a drink or something. Don't get ahead of yourself and start imagining living together etc because it does sound like he has some reservations, and the dynamic would be different too now you are a parent. Be careful, and let him be angry if you did the dumping, but do contact him- I hate having "what if's".

are you nuts, do not do it.
your reasons for ending it while they may not seem valid now where valid enough at the time which is what matters, you say he was bitter about the break up and that he wasnt keen after your one night stand. if it was going to happen it would have happened then surely.

youll be bringing a whole load of pain into his life again (which is not fair) and even your own, dont do it, sorry!

move onward and upward not backwards.

the question is how though? I don't think it is unfair or wrong because I think life is too short for what ifs? and it may be right that it'd never work but I think it should be said. But how, if I don't see him or bump into him?

You've got his facebook and his phone number, just choose one and contact him. If you private message him on facebook he might get an email notification. Either that or just text him and say "fancy meeting up for a drink?" If he isn't interested, move on.

write to him?

you could be right but with facebook, I'm sure he doesn't use it...he set it up and only has one friend on it. I don't think he is a computer type of person. And if I sent a text and he didn't answer that would be that. What I want is a face to face chat where I have the chance to say what I want to say and to apologise for the hurt I caused him.

writing is a great idea, but I don't know his address...

Well if you really think that facebook and texting is useless then all you can do is bide your time then speak to him when he's at the pub. Either that or hire a private detective to find out his address and if he's single?!?

Tbh, if you think he won't even answer a text then maybe it is too late.

It maybe is too late. The thing is I think face to face would be so much easier though. One day I suppose I'll bump into him in the pub but then he'll be with friends and so will I ...

Thing is, if you haven't seen him or had any contact for years, he may well be happily dating or even married to someone else.