Is this really unfair on DH?

[OrmIrian]

DH's 47th bday on Friday. On Sunday we are having a BBQ and inviting about 20 friends over. He always has a party for his bday - we all look forward to it. Problem is we have no space - it's usually OK but a bit crowded. This year we have a few more bods coming. I am working all week and DH is at home on half-term. This means that by Friday evening the place will be a complete tip. So most of Friday evening and saturday will be spent cleaning, tidying, shopping and preparing food. OK, fine. Done that before but it's hard work and I am working full-time now so less time and less energy.

But one of our friends has offered to let us have our BBQ at her house. Much more space - she has a huge house and bigger garden. We will take all the food and paper plates etc. I think it's a fantastic idea as it will take the pressure off a little.

DH objects He didn't say so at the time when the offer was made (and accepted) but is whingeing now. He says that we only have one party a year so it should be our party. I think he's being a twat - as in terms of who does the work 90% of it is me!And who the hell cares where it is as long as our friends are coming and we all have a good time. But as it's his bday should he get to decide?

Tricky one. If DH was going to do all most of the work and tidying then fair enough, but as he's not then I do not blame you one bit!

He'll enjoy it once he's had a beer or three.

He gets to decide - if he's willing to do a minimum 50% of the cleaning, shopping, food preparation etc. If you're stuck doing 90%, you get to decide to make your life easier (and the party more enjoyable, for you at least).

Surely more space would be better? Rather that than be cramped tbh.

He's being a twat, tell him he gets first pick for his 50th birthday, but other than that few people I know except the Queen get a special all day bash with 20 folk every single year.

good point rookie! Yeah!

Actually we all enjoy it but still...

Sorry - I thought you said he's 47. Obviously you meant 4.

What happens for your birthday ? Perhaps you could suggest that this year its your turn and let him arrange a date to invite 20 people, clean the house and buy & cook appropriate food and beverages. Maybe I'm just being mean tbough

Hahaha Susie!

Funnily enough rookie for my 40th he asked if I wanted a party. I said that yes I would. So we had lunch at a pub for about 30 people - and guess who organised it . "But I'd have done it if you told me what you wanted" ...but that is the whole point - not having to do anything...

ho hum. Next time I'll marry a grown-up.

susie - you are so right

Why is it that men always say that of course they will do anything, but in fact what they mean is that they will have to be told in minute detail everything that would have to be done.

I am sure that DP would organise Christmas if I asked him. But I would have to give a list of actions larger than the entire encyclopaedia britannica in order to ensure that nothing was forgotten. So it is easier to do it myself. If left to his opwne devices we would have Fray bentos pies for Christmas Dinner and no presents.

No YANBU - if your DP was OK to sort the house out and organise the party himself I would say let him do it, however as you are the one who has got to sort it all out he is being very selfish in digging his heels in. Plus, if he had a problem with it why didn't he say so when the idea was first mooted, rather than start bleating about it now?

YANBU - agree with everyone else

Rubbish having to argue about a party though.

If you give in, you end up resenting having to do all the work because it could have been so much easier

If he gives in, will he continue to be grumpy about it and make comments?

I don't think he gets to decide purely because it's his bday.

Thanks for reassuring me that he's the arse and not me

I suspect that a few beers will mellow him out. I suspect I shall have to drive home though. Never mind.

It isn't an argument doggie. DH doesn't do arguments. He does sulking.

think it's a bit odd to have party at someone else's house

how much cleaning and sorting out do you really have to do, doesn't that come after the party?!

You haven't seen my house ramona

A whole week of half-term with Dh and all 3 DCs at home without me! And it's not exactly spotless at the best of times.

To buck the trend I think I have to agree with Ramona . Seems a bit odd to me to host a party at someone else's house - a pub or village hall yes, but not someone else's house. Also, I wouldn't say he's being a twat, childish yes but not a twat, its his bday after all.

That said it doesn't really matter, he agreed at the time so if he objects now its tough. Was it a snap decision? I mean, was the offer made and accepted face to face, did you have time to discuss it behind closed doors as it were. Although again, its a done deal now and pointless of him to complain at this stage.

I had my hen do at someone else's house, because she has a big house. Was a nice thing for her to do. DH is being silly.

If he's off, I would not expect to be cleaning the house at the weekend, party or no party.

YANBU, your friend has offered, its not like you pressganged her into it, and if it makes your life easier then i cant see the problem.

Ply him with alcohol and he'll be fine

Thanks.

I think he's accepted it now. And it hasn't been mentioned again. What upset me was that he couldn't say no at the time. He left it up to me to have to change all the arrangements later DH likes to be seen as 'a good chap' amongst all his mates. I'm the only one who sees the sulks.