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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I Want to vanish

17 replies

lizzyboo · 27/05/2009 14:00

Does anyone else feel like vanishing? I just feel so low and want to walk away from everything. Disappear into a crowd and never come back. Been feeling like this for ages now and even looking for places to hide. Just worried what would happen to the kids. Maybe they would be better off without me anyway. Need someone to help me everything is getting too much and I think the kids are suffering

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 27/05/2009 14:04

lizzy - are you suffering from depression? I mean have you been diagnosed? If not please see your GP. The DC will suffer more if you go away - they wouldn't be better without you at all.

I have been there. Am on citalopram atm which is more or less keeping me stable.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 27/05/2009 14:07

I agree with ormirian, see your gp as this does sound like it could be depression. How old are your dc? could you get some helpm from homestart to improve their quality of life and give you some time off/help?

Your dc would miss you terribly if you left, I'm sure you aren't doing half as bad a job as you think you know. Does your dp/dh know how you feel?

Original poster
lizzyboo · 27/05/2009 14:11

I had postnatal depression after 2nd dc and before that when my mum died. I just feel so lonely and have nobody to talk to about it. I know it's probably depression but when I have had tablets before I am ok for a while and come off them, then sink back. I miss my mum so much and just want to talk things through with her. I haven't even managed to get the kids dressed today, my eldest has made the lunch for her and her brother. It took everything just to get out of bed today. When I go to bed I hope I wont wake up. The doctor will just give me more pills and send me away.

OP posts:
YanknCock · 27/05/2009 14:12

That really sounds like depression. I also feel like hiding when not being properly treated for it.

Original poster
lizzyboo · 27/05/2009 14:13

I am on my own, my only family is dad and he lives in USA and not really in contact with him, just christmas and if he remembers birthday. Kids are 10 and 2.

OP posts:
YanknCock · 27/05/2009 14:16

lizzy, sometimes we need those pills, there's no shame in that. So you get some tablets. It's better than feeling the way you are now. Part of dealing with depression is recognising that you aren't coping and need help. You sound like you know what's happening, so please do see your GP.

Original poster
lizzyboo · 27/05/2009 14:19

I know, think I am frightened of what they might say, will they take the children away?

OP posts:
YanknCock · 27/05/2009 14:24

oh dear, of course they won't take the children away!

I was terrified when I got referred to the community mental health team for my ante-natal depression--really thought the social worker coming meant they would try to take my baby when he is born. Honestly, it was paranoia due to the depression. Have gotten on a decent dose of anti-depressants now and realise they only want to make sure I'm okay. I'm not at all worried.

You are doing the right thing in realising you need some help, no one will fault you for that. Seeking help proves you are a responsible mother and you want to feel better and be there for your kids.

CrushWithEyeliner · 27/05/2009 14:27

Lizzy I think you are feeling very isolated - it sounds like you have no one around you to help or to open up to. No wonder you are feeling down. It would help so much to talk to someone about how you feel. Do you have a supportive GP or HV? Do you feel like you could tell them how you feel?

Original poster
lizzyboo · 27/05/2009 14:28

I have just called the doctors and mad an appointment for the morning. Thank you for caring. I have told you lot more than I have told anyone.

OP posts:
CrushWithEyeliner · 27/05/2009 14:30

Oh Lizzy well done. It is the first step and a really important one.

There is a support network out there and it is your right to have access to treatment. Don't suffer in silence. Keep posting on here and let us know how you get on .

YanknCock · 27/05/2009 14:44

Lizzy, well done. Just hang in there. It is hard when you are already isolated, as being depressed makes it even harder to open up to new people.

I've been labeled 'socially isolated' by my midwife. I get lonely too (my family is in the U.S. and only friends here are 3.5 hours away). But I think now that the depression is being treated, I am a lot more open to trying to make friends here, and I will be better at keeping in touch with old friends since I'm not hiding anymore.

Dior · 27/05/2009 14:47

Lizzy - take any help offered by the gp. I sometimes want to run away, so I know how you feel. I am probably at a constant 5/10 most days, but there are odd days where I feel 8/10 and others that sink to 2/10.

There are groups and places to turn to. Do you have many friends?

k850plus · 27/05/2009 15:34

oh bless you Lizzy - you have so done the right thing making that appointment, fantastic job. As has already been said reconising you have a problem is as good as being halfway to solving it. Get the GP and HV onboard. Have you got a Children's Centre near by? They are great for getting in touch with others and staff are highly trained to help you and the kids. Ask to speak with the Family Worker or similar - explain your situation and I am sure they will rush around to help you through.

Beleive me Social Care do not want to take kids from parents - take the case of baby P, poor soul should have been taken away!! I work in an environment that involves social workers and children's centres, I know how dedicated these staff are to the welfare of kids and that involves working with the parents to support them through whatever the problem is.

You just have to be able to ask for the help, there is no shame in it and you have already made the first step making that appointment - congratulations. It's all up hill from here on in. Good luck, keep us posted. I only joined up last night, have posted re my problem and had brilliant support and encouragement already, and of course felt "wise" enough to post here to you and a couple of others already. Someone elses problems are always easier to put in perspective aren't they.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/05/2009 16:15

lizzyboo

Well done for making an appointment for tomorrow morning. Do go along there tomorrow, they will be able to help you with your depression. They certainly will not take your children away from you. Please let me also reassure you of that.

You may also want to contact CRUSE bereavement care if you have not done so re your Mum's passing. They can also be very helpful.

Do let us know how you get on. You will get through that dark valley eventually.

With best wishes

Attila

OrmIrian · 28/05/2009 07:33

Good luck lizzy.

Let us know please.

YanknCock · 28/05/2009 20:46

Just bumping to see how your appointment went, hope you are okay.

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