Sex question....

[veryembarrassedmummy]

My DH and I are trying to resurrect our sex life and our marriage. We have been married for yonks. We have had a few sex-free YEARS due to my health issues above anything else, but are now getting back down to it, with a lot of effort on my part, to give it one last shot.

When we first got together, he was what I considered good in bed- pretty conventional stuff, but able to take the initiative and realise I had more than just the 3 main erogenous zones ie 2 boobs and a fanjo.

Now, he seems to have lost his imagination. It's a quick tweek here, a play there, and then he's all set- and me? well, not quite.

I have tried to talk to him about him- well, not tried- I HAVE talked about it- and he has said he will try to be "better".

I suppose I am feeling very negative though. We have so much work to do on other stuff in our relationship- mainly his lack of verbal communication and not enough common interests- that this seems like the last straw.

He will play with my bits for ages, if I want him to, but he doesn't realise that the rest of my body might have erogenous zones as well. Part of me just can't be bothered to go through this "educating" process as he seemed so much better 20 years back!

I suppose my question is- should he know what to do already,(why has he forgotten?) and do all your partners know what to do without you having to tell them- I suddenly feel I a married to a teenager again.

I have been in your situation. It has taken a while, but I would say that things are better now than ever before. We treated it as a completely new start and that included telling and showingeach other what we liked and wanted in bed. I found that over the years, I have changed, both in what I like and in how I feel. I suspect my age has something to do with some of it. ( nearing menopause) The reason I think it is better now, is simply because we are both learning what suits us and turns us on NOW, not relying on old habits iyswim. And yes, depending how long your drought was, I guess it is possible he has forgotten some of it. Also, listen to him, his needs might have changed over the years. My DH's certainly did.

It sounds like you have other stuff going on as well. You might find that if you work on the sex, other stuff will fall into place more. I certainly found that becoming happier in the bedroom department seems to have had a positive effect in other areas of our relationship and tbh, I wouldn't have said we had any other problems. We are definitely much closer in everyway now though.

Look on this as an opportunity to really develop a fantastic and fufilling sex life and a fresh start for your relationship. It really can work, but only if you are both 100% committed to making it work.

Have fun. Good luck.

It's possible that he has forgotten, it's possible that your needs have changed a bit and his have too - ot's also possible that, having been without sex for a while he is doing the kid-in-sweetshop thing of just grabing blindly at the bits he wants.
But is he making an effort to please you and repair the other areas of your relationship, or do you feel that you are doing all the work on putting things right between you?