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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband off to Australia with work today....and it is half term!

7 replies

winewife · 24/05/2009 10:32

Husband off to Aus today with work for 8 days, made to go for political reasons but 4 days there include seeing Sydney, out to a black tie dinner and spending 2 days on Hayman Island in the Great Barrier Reef.
Myself and 3 kids have been ill with chest infections but are recovering and are consoling selves with Center Parcs! Not much difference. I have been annoyed about this for weeks and hoped it would be cancelled. Also, have now found out a couple of people are meeting partners after the work 'do' and having a family holiday!
He says he is not looking forward to it, but has bought new clothes and made an effort packing! I know it sounds wrong, but I am insanely jealous as I could not physically leave my kids behind and go away alone and also as I am a stay-at-home mum and he goes to Europe with work every week anyway. I am seriously contemplating the state of our marriage as we spend so much time apart and do not sleep in the same beds, due to kids, that he doesn't feel part of me anymore.

OP posts:
BrokenFlipFlop · 24/05/2009 12:26

Is your husband aware of how you feel? If so what has his response been?

Must admit, I would feel envious - could you not meet up with him another time after one of his European trips ie make it a family holiday?

mamas12 · 24/05/2009 12:35

Feel for you winewife, it's a big bummer when this 'imbalance' happens in a relationship.
Why can't you leave the kids, don't you have the supposrt to leave them, how old are they. Because if you want to go with him sometime why not? What is stopping you?

echt · 25/05/2009 10:19

Why are your kids sleeping with you? You haven't said the reason. Is it short or long term? You will both need to sort this if it is the latter.
You conflate two separate reasons when you say you can't leave the kids and he goes to Europe every week - this needs some further explanation. Flipflop's suggestion seems a good one.

For what it's worth, one week in Australia, however nice, will leave him with shocking jetlag.

About the family holiday; what are the circumstances for others that you can't do? Are they paying, or more mobile?

You're getting a holiday at Centreparcs = not my cup of tea, but lots of folk are getting zip this year.

violethill · 25/05/2009 10:27

Centerparcs is insanely expensive, especially for a half term week - so why not ask you husband to spend on a European break for you instead of centerparcs? (I assume he's paying as you say you're a SAHM)

I wouldn't be particularly happy being stuck at home while my partner was jetsetting off all the time, but presumably that's the choice you've made.If you feel the balance isn't right then time for a re-think. It's swings and roundabouts though. If you expect your DH to downsize and get a less glitzy job, you may need to go out to work too. Think you need a heart to heart with him

clam · 25/05/2009 11:47

Hmm... I'm just trying to work this one out. I'm in a similar position in some ways, and am trying to see why I don't mind, yet you do. My DH goes off to Malaysia 2 or 3 times a year for just over a week at a time. Often, spouses will fly out to meet their partners and travel around the area a bit. I have done this twice now, once on my own, once with the kids. My kids are (now) 10 and 12 however. How old are yours? Also, we've been financially able to do this. Are you? That might be the issue.

My DH seems to enjoy going too, although he goes through the motions of whingeing about it a bit, as it's a 'full-on' week work-wise for him, and the jetlag is tough. But, he acknowledges that I have a tough time holding the fort at home, and goes out of his way to try to make up for that with little treats and thoughtful gestures. Are you feeling under-valued?

I work part-time (3 days) so that makes the time pass quicker. Being at home all week alone would make it tougher, certainly, specially as it's half term and the normal routines of school aren't in place.

We've been sleeping in separate beds recently too, purely because DH is an insomniac and cannot sleep if there's the slightest noise (like me breathing!). But we always start off together, and he nips back in with me at about 6am, so still feel close.

So, I guess there must be a sub-text at play here with you two, and it's only going to be got at if you sit down and talk it through. No use right now, I suppose, as I expect he's just left, or is about to.

Good luck - and I hope you have a nice time at centerparcs. Good forecasts - for later in the week, certainly.

QS · 25/05/2009 11:51

Is this the first time your dh is away for work? If so it may be a little daunting, but you will soon get used to it. The longest my dh was ever away for, was 3 months in India, leaving me alone with ds1 (then 5 months old) between september and Christmas.

clam · 25/05/2009 12:36

(Still have a vision of you running up that nursery slope in your slippers, ready to rescue DS from a potential catastrophe on a draglift! Take it he returned unscathed)

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