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Mine DH's Age Difference Is Causing An Issue
PeedOff · 28/04/2003 20:39
Help, I'm hoping some you out there have some words of wisdom.
My dh is 12 years older than me and up until this last week or two has never presented a problem. Now however, I have him telling me that he can no longer cope with getting up during the night with our dd as he is 12 years older than me and so more tired. Yes he works hard at work but when he is at home he is more than happy to sit and watch television ALL day and put the blinkers on all day with regards to what the children are doing.
This morning i nipped out for a couple of hours and asked him to wash the breakfast dishes and take some towels out of the tumbler, when I returned home, NOTHING had been done, his excuse, dd was being grumpy, when I walked in however she was sat quite happily eating her dinner and he was sat watching tele AGAIN.
How do I work this problem out now with him saying he can no longer do it because he is older, i agree he is tired, but I am more often than not up at 5.30 and spend ALL DAY running round after two very active children and doing housework, but still have to get up during the night, as far as I am concerned she is our daughter and we should both be equal, I still think deep down he thinks that because I am a Stay At Home Mum i do nothing all day.
Meanmum · 28/04/2003 20:46
I don't know your husband but from the tone of this email it sounds like he is using it as an excuse to get out of his share of the workload. I also think a lot of people (not just men) think SAHM's don't work and are therefore not tired at the end of the day. No one knows how hard being a SAHM mum is unless they are one or have been one.
Pesonally, I would tell him his excuse is pathetic. You decided together to have your child whether it was planned or not and I'm sure that it was discussed or at least thought of on his behalf prior to you going ahead. If it didn't even occur to him then he is a complete plank and has no one to blame but himself.
FYI, my dh is very good but at the same time would not do anything unless I left a list of jobs to do and he is 4 years younger than me.
Dahlia · 28/04/2003 20:47
Oooh, PeedOff, I think he is taking the mickey. My dh is 14 years older than me, he will be 51 next month, and in 8 weeks our second baby is due (dd is 7 years old). He pulls his weight round the house, and he has happily agreed that we will take it in turns to get up in the night with new baby - he works full time, long hours.
I don't wish to criticise your dh but he really needs to help you out more. In my opinion, it is 50 million times easier going out to work than it is to stay in the house coping with everything. How old is he anyway?
I suppose its a case of sitting down and talking it over with him and trying not to lose your rag and punch him in the mouth before tipping a cup of tea over his head. Seriously, would he listen if you told him all that's on your mind?
Jimjams · 28/04/2003 21:26
My MIL last week when staying. DH said at 10.30 "sorry I'm really tired so I;m going to bed" MIL said "oh yes dear off you go- you're the breadwinner after all".
DH said he thought my head was going to pop off. I stood up marched out of the room and went to bed.
I have an autistic 3 year old, and a 15 month old. Of course I just sit at home polishing my nails all day!
Twink · 28/04/2003 22:34
Certainly sounds like an excuse to me (mine is also 12 years older) - perhaps you should print off the 'Had enough of DH's attitude' thread and leave it lying around...
Perhaps if he's struggling to cope he should have an enforced rest from sex until he can find enough energy to deal with other things
griffy · 28/04/2003 23:04
Sounds to me like he needs to do MORE rather than less, to keep his energy levels up and his muscles in peak physical condition - or so you could tell him.
My DP is 48 (13 years older than me)and does a fair bit. OK, so most of the things he does are solely for his benefit - but I won't moan here - and he still has plenty of energy. How old is your DP? - unless he's over 70, I'd say he was taking the p**s!
Eulalia · 29/04/2003 09:21
My dh is 20 years older than me (he is 57). He does a full-time job and works on renovating our house at the weekend (often lots of heavy lifting). Ok he does get tired but he never uses it as an excuse. We also have two young children.
I agree with the others, if your dh felt he was young enough to have children when they were conceived then he has to follow this through till they are 18.
Would a bit of sarcasm work with him? Is there anyone you know about the same age you could comapare with? Any active older role models?
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