First time sex with new partner - it hurt

[TheWorldIsAVampire]

Slept with partner for the first time last night and I found it really painful. I had not had sex for 3 years so this could be part of it but he is also larger than anyone I've been with before. I know people will say "be thankful" etc but joking aside, it really did hurt.

I also bled afterwards, quite a lot.

He wanted sex later on in the night too but I was too scared to do anything else, this morning it was still hurting (and I think there is a small cut).

I have had problems with sex since I had DS1, the stitching was not great but this was the most painful time ever, DS is 10!

Is there anyway around this? i'm supposed to be staying at his house this weekend and I'm scared tbh. If I say I don't want to have sex he will be fine, I'm sure but he will obviously wonder why and will probably be paranoid that I didn't like it first time around.

What can I do?

Can you do other stuff instead? Or if you think you will have penetrative sex, sneakily pop to the loo and use a bit of lube beforehand?

Would you be able to tell him do you think? Better that than just avoid the subject. Maybe he could take things more slowly and gently to see if it can be more comfortable. How relaxed were you at the time?

You should be checked out by your GP as sex should not be painful. The fact that he is ,ahem, larger is of no consequence if you were fully aroused. Don't let embarrassment stop you going to the GP, they've seen it all before.

If you have had problems with sex anyway since the birth of your first child then it should be medically investigated further. Poor stitching can cause lots of problems post natally and indeed years on. You owe it to your own self to get this further looked at. Am sure your partner will be understanding, tell him and be fully honest.

Ummm...tell him? If you are sleeping with him I assume you know him and trust him a bit...so tell him. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Could be he was bumping your cervix and you should get that checked out - I had some abnormal cells on my cervix (nothing to worry about BTW) which bled if I had sex with deep penetration. I just can't do anything deep these days since DS anyway - I think it has all moved around a bit in there!
If he's a new partner he may not be sensitive enough about post baby bits, so you will need to explain to him. No reason why you can't have good sex but will mean being a bit more careful. Also make sure you are lubed up well. I also need lube much more since DS. Dry bits could graze easily.

Start the conversation with 'because you are big...' He will be fine and understanding

lol