What do you think, how bad is this?

[CherryChoc]

I don't think IABU to object to this - but how bad would you say it is?

Yesterday when I went upstairs to put DS to bed I left my laptop on, with email and MN open. While I was upstairs DP went through my email and read everything in my sent items folder, which he would have had to click on to get to, so not like it was just left on the screen.

There was nothing incriminating in there (!) as I've got nothing to hide but I felt it was a bit invasive and sneaky of him to go through my stuff when I wasn't there. I wouldn't have minded if he was looking for something, like a recipe or a photo, but he was just reading them for no reason (or to check up on me most likely). Likewise I don't hide my emails from him, but he doesn't know the password and tbh this is the reason why. If you trust someone why would you need to spy on them?

Some people are generally nosy rather than controlling (I am not sure I would have entirely resisted this sort of temptation - though I have been good about not reading DS dad's email or Facebook when he leaves his accounts logged in on MY laptop...)
But it sounds like snoopiness is a bit of an issue with you and your DP. Is he nosy, or controlling? Have there been problems in the past?
Basically if it's a one off, tease him affectionately about it and forget it, if this sort of thing happens a lot, you need to address it - snoopiness should not be tolerated.

What solidgold says.

I think it is pretty bad and I would say so to your DP if i were you.

I agree with solidgold. It could just be curiosity but I wouldn't like it personally.

hmm - if the tables were turned wouldn't you have been tempted? but he should have resisted - i do think he was pushing it. I'm with solid - say something jokey about it, but keep temptation out of his way in future if you can! It's just not nice - emails are private correspondence.

jasper I did say but he just said I would only be annoyed if I had something to hide I just think it's rude! And no, I wouldn't read someone's email - if people leave stuff logged in on my computer I log straight out again. I admit it's a bit different if you happen to see over someone's shoulder when they are writing/reading their emails. But then I was always taught to respect others' privacy - my sister and I shared a room and both kept diaries without worrying whether the other would read it because we knew she wouldn't!

How rude. I must admit I snooped in my DH's emails a long time ago when feeling insecure - when he found out I was very embarassed and sorry. I always leave my passwords saved and I also know his but we trust each other not to snoop. He knows that emails are not personal but my facebook inbox is - but I don't think he ever looks at them anyway.
Tell him in no uncertain terms that he should trust you - and that your emails are private, even if they contain nothing that you would want to hide from him. Does he tag along on girls nights out to hear what you say, or listen to your phonecalls? No? Because emails are just the same - not necessarily secret, but private. It's just basic respect.

i dunno - i wouldn't mind - i have nothing to hide and in that case i don't consider it private for my eyes only

Yeah, what solidgold says.

(she's my new hero...bum-lick! )

I wouldn't mind and neither would my husband. We have an easy, "what's mine is yours" thing going.

Off point but I thought an interesting quote, "The world would be a much better place if we all acted like our mother was looking over our shoulder."

I guess knowing that NOTHING is really private in the long run could help to keep partners on the straight and narrow?

Wouldn't mind as have nothing to hide.

I would go totally ballistic if DP did this, as would he if I did it.

We have a strict privacy agreement between us and never ever look at each others mail, texts or emails.

I don't get the 'nothing to hide' part. I don't have anything to hide either but I'm a private adult and I don't open my inbox to anybody who fancies a perusal, be they workmate, friend, family or DP.

I love being in a relationship but I'm still me, and I still value my privacy. I'm not half of one combined person.

That's just my own personal view of course - it's only bad if you have already discussed privacy and agreed not to read each other's stuff. Maybe you should have that conversation now, and agree what your mutual privacy boundaries are.

I wouldn't mind. Neither would DH. I hope

Good suggestion from MZ: some people are a lot more 'open' than others, and being a reserved sort of person who likes privacy doesn;t inevitably mean you are unmonogamous. So you need to have a firm chat with your DP - just because he wants to know doesn't mean he has a right to know.

agree with SolidGold and MorrisZapp. People can have v. different privacy threshholds - one of DH's colleagues was once incensed on my behalf at DH going in my handbag at the pub to get some change for something as he thought DH was invading my privacy

agree totally with MZ

me , anyfucker and morriszapp are going to form a breakaway support group.

I have nothing to hide.

But why the feck should my dh go poking through my emails?

at breakaway support group.

Can I join the breakaway support group?

I would be furious if dh did this to me, and I would not do it to him.

I'm using his computer right now with his e-mail and football-based mn equivalent both logged in, as they always are. I've never checked either.

It's his stuff. If I want to know what he's up to I'll ask.