Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


Wheres my lovely husband gone?

6 replies

Bekki · 28/04/2003 17:17

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 8 months. I'm quite distressed at the moment as my husband has just woken up from a night shift and weve had an awful row infront of our son. My husband has been a great father and an emotional rock for me since our son was born 3 years ago, now we are married and are expecting our second child he has become aggressive and foul mouthed and he dosen't care who hears or sees. I've lost complete control over him and this situation and I can't leave him for a minute to look after our son on his own, as the slightest bit of stress can send him in a rage. He seems to be pushing us away on purpose and I don't know what to do to turn this around. His own father was terrible and left him and his brother and sister without a word when he was 10, he hasn't seen him since. He always said that he would be a great father because he knew the mistakes that his own dad had made. I have a horrible feeling that this is to do with me and I just hope that my son isn't too badly affected by this before this can be resolved. Has anyone else experienced a partner change completely and can he still love me when he has just said the most horrible things to us?

OP posts:

crystaltips · 28/04/2003 17:30

How horrid. How quickly has this change in personality come about. Looking back were there tell-tale signs a while back; or has this "transformation" literally been overnight?
Is he having trouble at work ? I presume you are having trouble discussing this matter with him?
Does he have any friends that you / he might be able to talk to ?
Hope things improve.


Bekki · 28/04/2003 17:47

He always had an incredible caring and gentle manner but since being made redundant 18 months ago he decided that nobody was going to make fun of him or take advantage again. He became stressed out sorting out benefits and trying to stretch out our money. he was unemployed for 6 months and has gradually become more and more verbally aggressive. After he has upset us he is calm and he seems to think that he has done nothing wrong, although I wouldn't try to discuss it with him again as I don't want to start him mouthing off again. It seems crazy but apart from his incredible temper we get along fine. He works alot and this means that when he is at home we don't quite know how to talk to each other. He has turned into a control freak and believes that our son should do exactly as hes told all the time. If someone told me that he was going to be like this at the beginning of our relationship theres no way I would've have believed them. I don't want to tell my friends about our problems because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or too feel like they have to take sides, also no one would beleive me as he hasn't changed at all in anyone elses eyes. This the only place I feel like I can ask for advice.

OP posts:

whymummy · 28/04/2003 17:51

bekki is he depressed?its very hard to tell in men i know but i was a complete bitch to my husband when i had bad pnd,ive also heard of people that had been abandoned by a relative or partner to behave in this way just trying to see if you would leave him as well,if thats the case hell need a lot of reasurance from you and profesional help,i`m wishing you all the best!


Bekki · 28/04/2003 18:07

This is the crazy thing, hes now downstairs cooking dinner, singing and asking me about my day! An hour ago he was swearing and saying he never wanted to see us again. I don't think its depression just a severe attitude problem. he actually beleives that hes always right all of the time, and that swearing at our son is perfectly normal even though 2 years ago he was strongly against it. Theres no way of talking to this man. I really do think that professional help is the only way to get through to him but theres no way he'd ever pay.

OP posts:

whymummy · 28/04/2003 18:14

why dont you ask your doctor?he might be able to help,other than that could you and your ds go away for a while?just to give you a break and maybe he realises what hes got and how he could loose everything by behaving like this


Bekki · 29/04/2003 21:01

Weve had a talk and hes apologised for his behaviour. I know that we need a break together, hes got 2 weeks holiday now which will give us some valuable time to get to know each other again. I suppose sometimes people change and you need to find other ways to communicate with them. Hes been great today with us and my son has really benefited from some time with him. Thanks for everyones help, but I was probably over-reacting.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?