Unsure if I want this anymore.

[callerpitter]

I'm a regualr MN'er, just name changed for this post (I am a bit of a coward about my feelings).

I am not sure whether I truly love my DH anymore and whether I want to be with him. The past few years have been very trying for us, and atm, all we are doing is arguing, incuding in front of our 3 DC, which is breaking my heart. One of my DC has SN and doesn't sleep much. I feel both emotionally and physically drained.

I am terrified about what will happen if we split up, as I don't work, and would have to rely on benefits (which I've never had to do). I wouldn't even know where to start!

I have no support family wise. My mother is a waste of space and my dad isn't the supportive type. My one true friend no longer speaks to me after we fell out over a nasy comment she made.

I guess I'm not making much sense on here, but my head is all over the place.

Hello, in the scenario you describe both your DH and yourself must constantly be at breaking point if you are living in a permanent state of sleep deprivation.

I'm no expert on this but wonder if there there is any assistance you can get through your HV or otherwise to relieve you for even a few hours a week as at the minute I don't think you are in the right place to make this decision it just sounds like you are mentally and physically exhausted and each of you are taking it out on each other.

Lack of sleep can be such an ordeal - I can't think straight if I haven't had at least seven hours - I almost feel drunk without it. Looking after an SN child is incredibly hard too, don't underestimate the stress this causes (unfortunately I have some experience with this!)

That said, I think you need someone to talk to. Is there anyone else you could confide in? Could you maybe have some counselling to help you work this through?