Sex problem TMI sorry

[Worriedunfortunately]

Have been with DP for nearly 3 years. TMI alert - sorry but need to say certain things to explain problem!

It seems that he thinks me having an orgasm is an 'optional extra'. I would say 75% of the time I don't, he does 100% of the time.

He (we) seems to have got stuck in a rut. Its kissing for 5 minutes then straight into touching me down there. It usually then hurts a bit as hes quite rough and also I think I'm just not 'ready' (sorry). Anyway, after that for a bit its onto the intercourse! Don't know whether I'm weird or not but I can't come from purely sex.

We've spoken about it and tried different things, but if he touches me when we're having sex it doesnt work because he comes in a about 3 minutes and it would take me longer than that to get anywhere! He will give me oral sex from which I can orgasm but its still such a routine, kissing then down there then sex and orgasming that way seems very disjointed from the rest of the experience.

Last night we had a massive row, I'd asked him to touch me while we were having sex but he didnt. He said afterwards he hadnt know what I meant. He said he thought that if he 'lasted longer' then I'd have a good time too, I said 'Not if you're not touching me at all!!'. Now we're not speaking, I feel frustrated and angry. Hes not an inexperienced man, hes 36 and has had several long term relationships. I feel like a total failure, does everyone else come from just intercourse?

Sorry for the TMI, didnt know how to explain without it.

can i hijack and ask how you get a man out of a routine?

You very kind ladies gave me some help a while back on solo sex and it seems to work. However, now I need it to work with DH- we are trying to resume our sex life after a desert-like period.
There are two issues- both similar to the OP- one, I find it almost impossible to come with him- even if I talk to him like it's the Golden Shot ( that's aging me!)- up a bit, down a bit, twiddle that bit a bit more...

BUT- he also seems to have got into a routine of- kiss a bit, play with breasts, bit of oral if we are in the mood, hands wander to fanjo, twiddle a bit- and hey- I must be happy! He is happy to twiddle as long as I like BUT he does not seem to think any other inch of my body except breasts and fanjo have nerve endings. I do have other erogenous zones.

Is it a case of asking for what I want- or is he just lazy/ not very good in the sack?

veryembarrassed men need guiance. If he hasn't been trained by someone else then you need to train him. And it's no good just hinting at what you want, you have to spell it out, with a demonstration if necessary. Seriously, you cannot be too open and explicit when talking to men about what you like and don't like in bed.

If it's too hard saying it all face to face, how about sending him an email writting down exactly what you want him to do to you and how it will make you feel?

But why doesn't he want to kiss my neck or my shoulders, or rub my back, or do anything apart from breasts and fanjo? he has started eating my bottom- but that was his idea, not mine

Sometimes I feel I just can't be bothered and want to trade him in for a different model.

(OMDB.. why am I answering on this thread LOL)..

right you are just going to have to tell him.. fill your boots and be creative.. and I'm not going to tell you what to do .. but before we star.. I want you to find all the places I love.. and I'll moan loudly to let you know your on the right track.. seriously turn it into a game

Very - thats my question exactly, why doesnt he want to This is not doing much for my self confidence.

because necks and sholders etc are blind spots to men to haven't found out what those areas are worth. It is much easier to go 1,2,3 and into the business.. when we want them to go 1,5,1,8,3,5,3,9,1,3,,3,3,7,1.

honestly if they have not figured it out.. or been shown.. they have no idea.

It's not that he doesn't want to, it's that it doesn't even cross his mind to.

lol BCNS I was thinking the same thing

Worriedunfortunately, a quick search online suggests that only 30% of women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. So you are not abnormal at all! You are perfectly normal, and your other half doesn't seem to get his role in pleasuring you - which he should be aware of, but which you can help along by giving him a bit of direction. (Although I hear you: why should you be having to go back to basics with him after he's been in three, three-year-long relationships?).

I'd be disappointed too with a predictable five-minute snog then straight in for the kill. And I can well imagine you feeling a bit sore, because this little 'warm-up' routine being both quick and predictable is going to do little to get you in the mood. He's being insensitive and really does need a bit of an education about the workings of a sexual woman's body.

It's a looong time since I looked in this book, but XP and I bought it and 'experimented' our way through it in our late teens, and it worked for us. Dispells a ton of myths about sex and orgasms, and could give your DP a few 'Aha!' moments. So, if all else fails, you could thrust him a copy of this and deny sex until he's read it?!

I would be tempted to fake it very quickly during, then say 'well, I'm done - thanks and goodnight' and see what the reaction was. Of course, alternatively you could not be a PMT monster (as I currently am) and just say 'how would you feel if I did that?', hoping he'd therefore get the picture.

First off tell him when he's being too rough, there's nothing more a turn off for me, just say something like, can you be more gentle please.
If he tries to 'stick it up' before your ready, just say 'not yet' and continue with the foreplay.
If he's getting impatient, just guide him down for some oral, voila!
There, thats the excitement of my sex life! But it works and im a 100% girl .
I have orgasmed through intercourse about twice in 4 years btw.

no "O" with intercourse (alone) here