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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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51 replies

notrealnickname · 18/05/2009 13:59

has anyone been contacted by an x and fallen in love with them again?

OP posts:
Springfleurs · 18/05/2009 18:41

So true Solidgold, sadly guilty of this for much of my life on a constant quest to find the perfect relationship much to the detriment of all other areas of my life.

Finally see the light, only wish it had come sooner but at least I have my dc so I don't have too many regrets. All I can say is I have always been happiest when single, I just didn't realise it at the time.

ActingNormal · 18/05/2009 19:06

SolidGold, I just can't see it that most people would be happy if we all just went round doing it with everyone which is what you seem to feel would be the ideal scenario. It's not unnatural to be monogamous is it? Swans do it!

ActingNormal · 18/05/2009 19:09

...Sorry to jump in and digress, but can I ask you because I'm curious SolidGold, if you and your partner are not monogamous do you still feel special? Do you have to be an extremely confident person to do this? How do you get your head around it? Do you feel secure that he isn't going to abandon you for one of his others?

AnyFucker · 18/05/2009 20:29

AN, don't take solid too seriously, she was planning to get married the other week !!!

I kid you not.

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 18/05/2009 20:30

I don't have a partner because I don't want one, but have had open partner-relationships in the past and those have been fine but people do have to put some effort into being fair, commmunicating etc.
And I don't advise using 'the natural world' as an argument because while some animal species may be monogamous, others are most definitely not (bonobo chimps are very polyamorous and bisexual )
Finally, sexual/romantic relationships are not what make me feel special anyway and that's something I think more people would feel better for adopting as a mindset: find joy and pride and happiness in doing stuff, not in existing only in relation to other people.

AnyFucker · 18/05/2009 20:42

how are the wedding plans going solid??

mwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaa

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 18/05/2009 20:45

Oh don't worry, I totally saw sense on that one and binned the idea (as did DS dad).

AN and anyone else puzzled, yes OK a few weeks ago I got a bit pissed with DS dad who suggested we try for another baby and get married.... Luckily we did sober up.

ActingNormal · 18/05/2009 20:45

Hahaha, thanks Solid, it's interesting.

So you would rather be a bonobo chimp than a swan! (only joking).

I do think you are unusual and that the majority feel a need for the closeness of a monogamous relationship.

Do you get all that you need from other people in your life, or do you not really need people at all? You don't have to answer my questions if you are finding me tiresome now, I'm just a bit nosey.

Unlikelyamazonian · 18/05/2009 20:49

Solid, do you like coleslaw? I have a friend like you - liberated, wise, sexy, mad and lovely. She would drive across continents for it.

FabulousBakerGirl · 18/05/2009 20:51

Solid - are you still going to try for another baby though?

AnyFucker · 18/05/2009 20:52

sorry solid, couldn't resist that one

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 18/05/2009 20:55

UA: Well I like coleslaw but not that much and I don't drive, so I don't think I'm the person you are thinking of...
FBG: Not sure, really. Not right now as both DS dad and I are in such dire financial straits we daren't - and I am 44 so it's probably not going to happen anyway.

FabulousBakerGirl · 18/05/2009 21:04

I have finished-with baby stuff if that will help.......

twistedtempted · 19/05/2009 10:33

Hi, I started a very similar thread to yours on here last week - must be something in the water at the moment!

Had some very sage advice talking some sense into me. I do understand how you feel though. I'm to say I have not been able to bring myself to block him but Mnet did help me to resist doing something very very silly.

notrealnickname · 19/05/2009 10:37

i hear everything you are saying, i have blocked him then let him back, my marriage is ok, not happy happy, but thats me, dh is happy, i am bored, and lonely, i want fun, i feel old. i have seen pics of x hes not what he was but he says all the right things. if i block him he may stop chasing me and i suppose if im trueful, i am enjoying it. i have always thought about him and missed him, i will always love him. i am going to try and ignore him and not rush into anything. i have told dh things need to improve, he said WHY lol. thanks for all your coments

OP posts:
FabulousBakerGirl · 19/05/2009 12:15

While you don't block him you are in denial.

poshwellies · 19/05/2009 12:18

It will end in tears.

poshwellies · 19/05/2009 12:18

and no doubt,a painful divorce.

twistedtempted · 19/05/2009 12:47

Denial about what fbg?

FabulousBakerGirl · 19/05/2009 12:47

Denial about feelings.

If one truly wanted no contact they would block the other person.

ElenorRigby · 19/05/2009 12:55

"same shit, different man" so so true.

really OP no good will come from this, as custardo said he's probably playing a few.

im really wary of facebook. i do have an account but only have 2 friends on it and dont even use my real name. i just think it's a bit dangerous and false.
an aquaintanence recently asked me could she add me as a friend. i explained I dont use it, even so she sent me an invite and now /i think shes got the hough because i didnt add her

notrealnickname · 19/05/2009 13:05

I just wish I could know if he was stringng me along. But I have blocks him now very sad by u r all right

OP posts:
FabulousBakerGirl · 19/05/2009 13:10

He really doesn't matter what he is doing.

Now fix what is wrong at home and move on.

It reallys is for the best.

Bobblebuddy · 19/05/2009 22:59

don't do it - been there (sort of) and it isn't worth it. You will enjoy feeling like a teenager again for about 5 minutes and then you will feel horrible, guilty, wondering why you put your family at risk.

the only good that can come from it is that you remind yourself why you actually DO like the life and the DP that you have now. Trouble is, you could be reminded of that too late to keep it, and that would be very sad.

don't risk what you have - just find a way to remember why you wanted it in the first place, and don't harp back to the past - it was over then for a reason..

notrealnickname · 20/05/2009 13:33

i have blocked and he has not even tried to contact. if he cared that much he would. looks like you were all right, must admit, would have liked him to try.

thanks again

OP posts:
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