scared of making the wrong choices

[nervousnamechange]

I met a man last year. We get on well, and I should be happy but I can't stop feeling nervous. The sex is absolutely out of this world so much so it scares me. I don't know that we are totally compatible out of bed. No problems as such, but I am finding it harder to communicate the deeper I get involved. I am scared of it going wrong. I know he loves me. I have reservations about how we can have a future together, we both have dc living at home, incompatible ages. Being with someone has made me realise how much I miss being part of a family and I want that. Having made a horrible mistake with ex I don't know you know can tell when you have met the right person. And I want to talk to dp about how afraid I am but I don't want to seem needy. Cos I feel disgustingly needy. I do know couples are happy together and sure of each other, how do you get there? I so want that

I honestly feel if you can't talk to someone you shouldn't be having sex with them.

I know that loads of people will disagree with me though.

Just take it as it comes. If you have been together a year already then it must be mutually good.

I don't see what advice there is really- you love a guy ( possibly) you are scared it might go wrong ( always possible) and you hope it will last(don't we all?) well- join the human race!

Try not to seem needy as it may well scare him off- keep your own friends and interests, and just keep hanging on in there - your DCs ages etc won't matter if it is meant to be.

maybe you just need to relax a bit more and not look too far ahead.

Thanks fbg. I used to be able to talk it's just recently I've come over all useless. We didn't start having sex for quite a while after we met. So I got to know him a bit first.
httm you are right I am panicking for no good reason. just wondering how those couples who are so effortlessly right for each other manage it

just wondering how those couples who are so effortlessly right for each other manage it

what makes you think it's effortless? That's an illusion- most couples work hard at it - it's never as it looks to outsiders-and many so-called happy couples are not, in reality.

I know there aren't many but I do know of some where both parties are content and work as a team
Not thinking ott lovely dovey just good underlying partnership

At the begging of my relationship with my DH, a friend said there was something wrong if you didn't have to work at your relationship. I thought she was mad. Our relationship was easy. It just flowed nicely and there were no issues.

Now we have children we have less one to one time together but we still don't really work at it other than acknoledging that our time we come and we are just knackered due to having 3 young children.

We do nice things for each other, we just don't need to consciously work at it, imo.

beginning

that's exactly what I meant fbg, and what I'm after

FBG, I suppose you naturally do the healthy things that some couples have to remind themselves to do - like being open and not being too mad and self-indulgent. Keeping your interests and making time for each other, that kind of thing.

For some people that's work - and that's ok - but for others it's easy. Doesn't matter how hard or easy it is - just that you do it!

nervousnamechange, it all sounds ok so far and nothing you can't handle. Don't overanalyse, just enjoy!

I know, I know
just one more question, practical one this time
I want someone who is around at weekends, free time etc. I had a separate life with ex and it was miserable. Don't get me wrong, I have friends, interests, and so does he, we don't live together so the time we have is limited anyway. However he has a very close batchelor friend (not gay) who often wants him to go away on pub crawls hikes etc, and of course this is fine, but I am really not interested in anyone who is off down the pub as a priority. Neither do I want to be a nagging gf figure. I've made it clear after the event that I've been unhappy with some of the arrangements he's made with this friend. Basically he's got into single man habits and found they're enjoyable, as his dc are old enough to need less supervision (tho not impressed they are hanging around in pubs til chucking out time, the oldest is 13) - while my dc are young and still need a lot of time. I think his friend dislikes me, as when we met the only comment he had to make was that I looked 'tired'
I've hinted how I feel a bit but only when we had both had some wine. Should I try and discuss it or just wait and see what happens? However much I like him at my age and with dc the practical issues like lifestyle are very much involved