Relate

[feelingpositivemum]

I went to a relate appt last week on my own as I think I am on the verge of splitting with my dh and wanted to offload some thoughts. Anyway, I was worried about getting all my concerns across to him but he very quickly said I was in an EA relationship, things were unlikely to change and I should trust my instincts.

When i was in there it made complete sense and I could see with such clarity, but now, I'm worried. Should he have been so definite when only hearing my side of the story, I felt he was steering me to the inevitable and although it was what I wanted to hear, has he jumped to conclusions?

Dh is behaving very well, and of course i feel like I'm living two lives.

I suppose I'm worried about being led down the wrong path by the counsellor.

What does EA mean?

I am really surpired that the counsellor led you- they are not there to give advice, but to give you the space to find your own answers, by asking the right questions. The reason they should never give advice is for the very reason you are saying here- it would be their opinion, not yours- and you could also turn round in the future and balem them if your life didn't work out according to the advice you were given, and had followed.

Did he actually tell you what to do, or did you feel he was really confirming what you were saying, by simply nodding or saying "yes I see" to what you were telling him?

It may be that he simply isn't that good- in which case see another one!

It is however, I have found, very easy to see what you need to do with a relationship whilst in as session, then when you come out and are back at home, it's just the same old issues again and you knid of feel you have lost te momentum to change- I did anyway when I was counselled recently- I heard myself saying how unhappy I was, and how I should leave, yet when I came home and saw my DH and how he still wants to try I felt rotten and back pedalled- again.

If you felt a good rapport with the counsellor and want to carry on with him, it is quite acceptable to say everything to him that you have said here.

There is a big difference between him making the decisions for you- and leading- and him confirming (by his gestures or language), what you are telling him!

Are you sure he was advising, or was he simply nodding in agreement with what you were saying?

He was very much nodding in agreement really and what I found very disconcerting was that he said things like - 'at the moment you have two voices in your head, yours and his and our job is to make it one, yours'. And I thought, how do you know. thats amazing.

I think with hindsight, I did a lot of talking and he confirmed it sounded clear.

It's all so confusing, as you know , trying to think straight w/.