Marriage ending and H is threatening to throw ALL his stuff away

[TheMitsubishiWarrioress]

Following a very painful 2/3 years, and a lot of problems, I have told H I can not take anymore.

He realises why and at the moment is struggling, we have agreed he will find somewhere else to live.

He is in the process of throwing everything away. He says he doesn't want anything that reminds him of our time together, including all the stuff he had before he met me and anything he has bought while he has been with me. He talks about getting a 'room'.

We have 2 DC's and I think this is grossly unfair on them. I am struggling with my own issues about the end of our mariage and trying to do what is right for them, so should I let him just deal with it in his own way, try not to feel guilty or try to talk him into keeping stuff, getting a proper house so that the DC's get a sense of normality with him?

If clothes or stuff gifted to him or bought by him before the marriage fair enough, his to do with as he wishes. If it's any furniture or stuff that belongs to both of you then it's seen as marital property in Scotland and would normally be divided between you. He can then chuck away his half if he wishes.
CCan his parents/friends help?
I agree with stressing to him that he will still see the kids regularly and seeing familiar stuff in both parents houses can be comforting to children. He's also going to have less money to buy new stuff.
Some of this sounds a bit melodramatic and manipulative though.

He will always have something that reminds him of your time together - your DCs! I appreciate you can sort of "erase" past relationships when there were no kids etc, but cutting up photos or whatever, but this was a marriage and there are kids - there will be no erasing it. It is forever - perhaps you could try explaining to him that the 2 of you are going to be coparents until the end of your days...

he sounds very hurt and it is probably just a reaction to the news that you are to split. 'protect' some of the things that may mean something to the children so he cant destroy them, but his things let him destroy - he may need a fresh start too anyway.

can't he just box it all up and leave it in a family members shed or garage ? he can deal with it when things have calmed down emotionally. no need to throw it out. i take it he doesn't really want to end the relationship?

"Some of this sounds a bit melodramatic and manipulative though." I agree 2rebecca

does he not see that it will comfort the dcs to have familiar things around when they visit their dad?

If he is wanting to throw away photos tell him the dcs would like them, other than that (and furniture(!) ) let him get on with it. You need to save your emotional energy for yourself. I think if he does do this he will regret it.

No, he doesn't want it to end, but it is through some very questionable treatment of the DC's and myself that I have come to this decision.

I have done threads about it but it would get very long to repeat it.

He won't talk to anybody but me, not HIS ds's, not the doctor, or take opportunity for counselling that was offered. Says he would do anything to save our marriage, except it seems, the things I have asked him to do.

And I am hurting too .

I haven't got the emotional strength left to keep pulling it all together. I am being seen by community health team, am on anti-depressants and am trying to keep things together for DC's, on of whom has emotional issues or possible aspergers syndrome.