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Body language
doormat · 27/04/2003 10:34
I would like some advice please girls.Dp and I go to our local pub once a week.There is a woman he has known for years that goes too!She was married for a long time and now getting divorced.He has always been friendly with her and her ex husband.For the last few weeks I have noticed dp getting closer and beginning to ignore me a little when she is around (not completely). I pulled him last week about it and he told me not to be stupid. Anyway I thought maybe it is me until last night.We were in there again and she was there aswell. When he was playing pool all he did was go over and stand next to her leaning in her direction. This happened several times and I watched him chatting away. It came to the point of me nearly shouting over "could you get any closer". We had a row again last night about it and he told me again not to be stupid.
What do you girls think am I being stupid????
Or am I seeing something develop?????
Chinchilla · 27/04/2003 10:44
From what you have written, it does sound like he maybe fancies her a bit. However, that doesn't mean that he will do anything about it. He knows that you are there doesn't he, so his reasoning would be along the lines of 'why would doormat think anything, if she is there with me?' Men can be really insensitive, and take us for granted. However, if you so much as started smiling at another man, I'm sure that he would hate it! Not that I am suggesting you do that of course, as men have a funny habit of thinking themselves innocent of flirting, but hating us doing it!
I would suggest that you don't show that you are cross about his behaviour, but start going to a pub where she won't be! You say he is a friend of hers, but is she yours too? At least if you are in the pub with him, you know that he is not up to anything. Perhaps you could join him when he is talking to her, and be really friendly towards her, so she knows you don't think she is a threat.
Sorry, the last time I was in this situation, I was only 'going out' with dh, and we weren't committed, so, although it was unpleasant, I had no ties to him, or any 'right' to feel jealous.
doormat · 27/04/2003 10:53
Thanx girls, I know I sound paranoid and neurotic but I really feel something is not quite right. I know her aswell and are friendly to eachother. Dp left me to sit with his mate while over with her. I made a comment later on that I was going to thump him (as a joke we were having together) where her ears pricked up and said "Dont you thump him" and I replied what has it got to do with you. I know men are insensitive but I have never truly seen him behave like this only for the past few weeks since her throwing her husband out.
whymummy · 27/04/2003 16:05
doormat men are like kids in the park they see an empty swing and they run for it,could it be an ongoing joke between him and his mates?you know like maybe her ex told them how hot she is in bed and now theyre curious,im sure you`ve got nothing to worry about but i would do what chinchilla sugested just go over,put your arm around his waist and smile!!!
mmm · 29/04/2003 07:18
I don't think you're being stupid. Your intuition is probably right. He probably mildly fancies her but he probably fancies you a good deal more and he's yours, so if you can continue being friendly to her and try not to hassle him about it; jealousy's horrible, isn't it?(and you are talking to Superjealous)
doormat · 29/04/2003 07:55
I am a jealous person but not half as bad as dp. I think what it boils down to is that I have already "been there done that" with my ex husband.It is funny coz I saw the "classic" signs the other night and I honestly thought I would never see him behave like that. His ex cheated on him too.
He apologised the next day and said he did not realise how awful he has behaved. I had to explain to him that when people pick some vibes up we become like mini t.v screens and watch and listen even more diligently.
I really do not want to go through all the deceit again as I really love this man and we do have a good life.I will just keep my ear to the ground and not mention it again.Thanx
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