I could really use some advice here. My SILs had a baby boy six months before I did and right from the get go we've had differing approaches to bring up our sons. I know very well that we are both doing what we truly believe is best for our children and that there are a million different ways to be great parents, but it has led to some awkward situations and quite a lot of stress and frustration for me. It doesn't help that they are both very opinionated and quite willing to inform me of the benefit of doing things their way.
Recently we went to visit them (they live in a different country). Their son is now two and my little boy is 18 months. Their son, who is a wonderful, sweet boy, is very strictly disciplined. For example, he's been on time outs since he was 6 months. While I was there he received time outs for a variety of things from quacking like a duck (?) to asking for "more apple please" one more time than his mummies wanted him to.
My son hardly runs riot but I tend to reserve interventions for the more serious stuff and let smaller things slide. I also feel that at 18 months I struggle to be sure he even understands what he did wrong. Overall, he's a happy, lovely little boy too.
I got a talk about the importance of discipline and how it helps them concentrate better in school and improves their IQ. My SIL also made lots of comments about how great her partner is at discipline and how she should write a child rearing book. What really got on my nerves, however, was how my SIL would say to her son - "Now, just because you see your cousin do X (I think he picked up his bowl when he asked for more cerel) doesn't mean that you can do that too." Aaaarggghhhh!!!
Now, the killer is that they are coming to stay with us for one whole month and I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to stand it. I don't know how to approach this subject without coming across as being judgemental. They don't respond terribly well to actual or perceived criticism. I'm just worried that one day I'll snap and say something rude to them, or more likely I'll just walk around for a month getting all worked up. I've also noticed that I tend to get more anxious around my son as I'm watching him and getting critical about his behaviour because I'm feeling criticised about my parenting skills.
My DH is not terribly helpful as it's his older sister who has a history of pushing him around and in a way he tends to start questioning if we're strict enough with our son instead of being confident in our parenting abilities.
Any advice/experience with similar situations? Do I just need to toughen up and stick up for them? Maybe I'm just wimping out about avoiding confrontation...