How did you leave him?

[StripeyOss]

For those of you who've left a relationship that wasn't violent at all, but your DH was just generally grumpy and shouty to the point you got fed up with it, but underneath still love him dearly... how did you reconcile to actually leaving?

How on earth do you turn that love off so you can make a break and not have to deal with being shouted at/constant bad moods?

Its just no fun anymore, but i love him so goddam much i dont know how the hell to walk away.

I have never really thought about it like that. Thanks messymissy. I do tend to self distruct when things are ok. I don't think I have really just let go with him. Its strange. We have been married and together a long time but I still do my own thing and am almost a seperate entity.

I do see someone - a counsellor. I just find it very difficult and traumatic. I just didn't want to pass my hang ups onto my children.

I can imagine how difficult it is to relieve the past but a friend once told me, think of the past like a video, you can watch it every now and then, it can scare the pants off you if you let, but you can put it back in the cupboard and it cant actually hurt you.

My parents were very argumentative, many a night i would wake to hear him shouting, her crying. Can't stand rows or confrontation of any kind now.

I think that as you are aware of the affect it had on you, you will do what you can to avoid passing it on to your children.

Maybe you and your husband could do something together - a brief holiday or if money tight, stay at the other house together for a long weekend, if you can get the children looked after.

Sounds like he is vrey understanding.

He is and tbh has been fantastic since we married even in the face of theft from my father to me, stealing cheques, abuse and horrific confrontation. I, like you, shy away from any confrontation and he does struggle to understand how I can let people walk all over me. I even struggle with noise in the house which I know is down to feeling nervy. I crave the quiet and I did enjoy it when I left and he had the children. I could hide......

I have suggested the going away thing before but I think I will try again even if its a day trip somewhere.

Thank you for your advice...